Defining Moments
by Metisse
Summary: This one is going through the life of Bobby Goren from at age 7 and going to the end of the series. Looks at moments in his life that had a resonating effect. Rated M for language and potentially violent situations. Potential BA later.
1. Revelation

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Dick Wolf owns everything. **

_**A/N: **__I know I still have to work on An Unbreakable Bond but this one wouldn't go away until I got started on it. It will be a series of defining moments in the life of Bobby Goren, starting at age seven when he learned "his mommy was not like all the other mommies," as our favorite nemesis, Nicole put it. It will take him at least to the end of Season 6. Promise I will finish An Unbreakable Bond and probably write others as this one develops._

**Defining Moments**

Revelation

Seven year old Bobby Goren sat on his bed quietly reading. It was a Saturday afternoon and his father was out doing whatever it was he did on Saturdays and his older brother Frank was out at the park playing ball with his friends. Bobby had wanted to tag along but typically the last thing ten year old Frank wanted was his kid brother hanging around with him and his friends.

So that left Bobby alone at home with his mother. At that moment Bobby could hear her talking to herself in the hall. His mother always talked to herself so it wasn't something Bobby concerned himself with at the moment. It wasn't until he heard the glass break in the kitchen and his mother scream that Bobby realized something was seriously wrong.

He dropped his book to the floor and ran out to the kitchen to find his mother staring at the kitchen table. The shards of shattered glass from the cup she had thrown at it were spread out across the table top and on the floor around it.

"Mom...what's...what happened?" he asked, looking at his mother with great concern.

Frances Goren stood leaning against the kitchen sink and stared at her youngest son as if she didn't recognize him.

Bobby started feeling very scared, "Mommy?"

Frances blinked and looked as if she was suddenly aware of her surroundings. Her eyes focused on her son. "Bobby! Are you all right?"

Confused by the sudden turn of events Bobby shook his head, "I...I don't know...what happened?"

Rushing around the table, Frances grabbed Bobby and hugged him tightly, "Thank God they didn't get you..."

Bobby felt very frightened and started looking around to see who might still be in the apartment. Had someone come in without him noticing? Bobby was generally incredibly aware of everything but his mother was obviously frightened of someone. Someone must have been here and he must have been too engrossed him his book to notice. He would never make that mistake again.

"What...what happened? Who was here?" he asked as his mother released him from her bear hug and looked him over to make sure he was really all right.

"It doesn't matter, they're gone now," his mother said. "But they will come back, we have to be ready, Bobby."

"We should call the police, they'll..." Bobby began.

"NO! No police. I called them when this happened the last time and they are useless! They came here and told me there was no one here and I know they were lying."

"Before? When did this happen before?" asked a very confused and still very frightened Bobby.

"Last week, when you and your brother were in school and your father was working."

"Didn't you tell Daddy?"

Frances' eyes darkened, "He thought I was making it up, too. He thinks I'm just trying to get his attention." She took Bobby's hand and led him to the coat closet in the living room. "We have to hide..." she stopped and stared at the door to the outside hallway. "Quick, Bobby, get inside!" She shoved him into the closet and slammed the door behind him.

"Mom!" Bobby yelled. He tried to open the door but his mother pushed it shut and leaned against it.

"No! You stay inside or they'll get you!" Frances yelled.

"But, I'm scared!" Bobby cried. "I don't want to stay in here by myself!"

"Be quiet! They'll hear you!" Frances said, sounding very desperate. "They'll hurt you, Bobby, they will! Now be quiet!"

"But what about you?" he whimpered.

"I won't let them hurt you! I'll lead them away from here. You stay in there, it's the only place you'll be safe," Frances ordered. Grabbing the chair next to the desk, she braced it against the door to keep Bobby from getting out.

"Mommy!" Bobby cried as he heard the front door opening and closing. He had no idea what was happening out there. He hadn't heard or seen anything but apparently his mother had and she believed someone was coming back to harm them.

Pushing against the door with no success, Bobby started crying. Something was terribly wrong and he had no idea what it was. He was confused and frightened. He didn't like being locked in the closet and he could only hope his mother was all right. Sitting with his back against the door, Bobby sat and continued to cry. It felt uncomfortably warm in the closet and he was having trouble breathing. His heart was racing and Bobby thought he was going to be sick.

Laying down on the floor of the closet, he turned to face the door and tried to peer out under the crack between the bottom of the door and the floor. He could see the legs of the chair that his mother had propped against the door to keep him imprisoned in the closet. He stayed there and continued to cry, wondering where his brother Frank and his father were at that moment and when they would come home. He hoped his mother was all right. Finally, after about a half an hour, little Bobby Goren fell asleep from sheer exhaustion.

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The door flew open and Bobby awoke with a start. Fear ran through him as he imagined the people who had tried to hurt his mother might have come and found him.

"What the hell is going on here? Where's your mother?"

Bobby looked up to see his father looking down at him in an agitated state. Henry Goren was a tall man. He stood at 6'2" and he wasn't in a great mood, which gave him a menacing look. "What did you do, Bobby? Did you piss off your mom enough for her to lock you in here?"

Bobby shook his head, "No, no Daddy, Mom...she...someone tried to attack her...she locked me in here...cause...cause she didn't want them to find me...she was scared...I..."

Henry Goren swore under his breath then reached down and grabbed his son by the arm, pulling him to his feet. He knelt down in front of Bobby, holding him by the arms. Bobby could smell the alcohol on his breath. Well, that explained what his father had been doing that afternoon. "Look, son, your mother is fucking crazy. She's just mad cause I have to work a lot and she doesn't like it when I don't pay enough attention to her. She made it all up."

Before Bobby could reply, the door opened yet again and his brother Frank walked in, baseball bat and glove in hand. "Hey, what's going on?" he asked, worried that their father was mad at Bobby again.

"Your mother is a lunatic who locked your brother in the closet cause she's mad at me," Henry said over his shoulder. "You hear me, Bobby, there was no one here."

"But Mom...she...there's broken glass in the kitchen..." Bobby began.

Henry shook his head, "She did it herself. Did you see anyone else here? Did you hear anything?"

Bobby shook his head, "No, but..."

"You see, son, you're the one who notices everything. Don't you think you would have heard someone coming into the house? Don't you think you would have heard voices?"

"I...I was in my r-room...reading...may...maybe I...I just..."

Once again Henry shook his head, "Son, you just don't know the lengths your mother will go to to piss me off."

"Well what are we going to do about dinner, then?" Frank asked, hoping to change the subject so Bobby wouldn't get their father angry at him. Bobby had a way of annoying their father with too many questions or trying to argue with him and somehow Frank always got caught up in it, too.

Standing up and pulling Bobby out of the closet, Henry Goren sighed, "We'll have to go out I guess."

"What...what about Mommy?" Bobby asked.

"She can fend for herself. I'm not going to go chasing after her for something this stupid. Your mother has got to learn that she can't get away with this kind of crap," Henry Goren stated firmly. "You know that crazy woman called the cops last week? I just don't need that kind of headache."

"But..." Bobby began.

"Hey, come on, Bobby, let's go get cleaned up so we can go eat," Frank said, pulling his brother away from their father and towards the bathroom. The last thing Frank wanted was for Bobby to get their father angry.

Following Frank hesitantly, Bobby questioned him immediately as they got into the bathroom, "Do you...do you think...Mommy's all right?"

Frank shook his head as he started washing his hands and urged Bobby to do the same, "I don't know, Bobby. Maybe Dad's right, maybe she's...she's crazy. I think she's mad at Dad for not being here all the time."

Quietly, Bobby washed his hands and followed Frank back out to the living room where their father was waiting for them. "Let's go get some burgers, boys."

Before they could leave, the phone rang. Henry rolled his eyes, "I bet it's your mother." He walked over to the phone, "Yea?" he barked into the phone, certain that it would be his wife.

Bobby and Frank stood nervously, waiting to see if their parents were going to engage in a yelling match over the phone.

"SHE DID WHAT?" Henry Goren was suddenly shouting into the phone. "NO, I mean, I'm sorry but I can't believe...Fine, I'll be down to pick her up...What?...No, she's just mad at me and she's mean and vindictive...Yes, officer, I understand...Thank you, I'll be right over." Slamming the phone back on its cradle, Henry Goren wheeled around to face his two sons. "Your stupid bitch of a mother got herself arrested. I have to go get her out of jail, so you can thank her that you're on your own for dinner."

"Is...is she all right?" Bobby asked, tears welling up in his eyes once more.

Glaring at his youngest son, Henry Goren yelled, "NO, SHE'S NOT! Your mother is a crazy bitch and she's bound and determined to make my life hell." With that, he stormed out the door, slamming it behind him.

"It's okay, I can make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," Frank said to Bobby who was still crying. "Come on, Bobby." Frank took his younger brother's hand and led him to the kitchen where the broken glass still remained. Sighing in frustration, Frank made Bobby stay by the door as he started cleaning up the mess.

"F-Frank...is...what's...what's going to...to...to happen...I..." Bobby cried, still worried that his father was wrong and his mother really was in trouble and hurt.

"Bobby, just shut-up!" Frank growled. "Daddy's gonna take care of Mom. Like he said, she's just nuts! She probably is just mad at him. Don't make it worse by bugging him about it. I don't care any more so just shut-up." He went back to sweeping up the glass. Frank wanted to help take care of his little brother but sometimes, Bobby made things more difficult for them by asking too many questions. It was bad enough they weren't going to get anything more than peanut butter sandwiches for dinner, he didn't want their father beating them because Bobby couldn't let things go.

After Frank finished cleaning up, he made the sandwiches and ate his then brow beat Bobby into eating his.

"Hey, I bet we get to go to bed without having to take a bath," Frank told Bobby, trying to get him to cheer up. Frank was feeling better now that he had eaten something, even if it was only a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Bobby merely nodded as the boys made their way to their room. He was tired and still scared because he didn't know what was happening with their parents. Was his father right? Was his mother just trying to get back at him? Why did she lock Bobby in the closet if she was mad at his father? It didn't make sense and Bobby was frustrated.

Frank and Bobby had changed into their pajamas when they heard their parents return. They looked at each other and Frank put his finger to his lips, indicating that Bobby needed to be quiet. Pressing their ears to the door, they listened.

At first they just heard the door slam shut and the sound of their mother going into either her room or the bathroom. They could hear their father on the phone with someone. They couldn't make out what he was saying but they heard him laugh.

Suddenly they heard their mother yell, "Is that another one of your whores, Henry?"

"Shut the fuck up! You've put me through hell tonight, Frances, I'm going out to get some dinner." their father yelled back. "I'm sick of your games."

"It's not a game! You just don't want to believe it because it interferes with your life! One that doesn't include me or the boys! You don't care about us!"

"Don't you talk! You locked Bobby in the fucking closet! How long was he there, huh?"

"Bobby! Oh my god, Bobby! Where is he?"

Bobby and Frank were about to bolt to their beds when they heard their mother's footsteps in the hall. They stopped when they heard their father yell.

"Leave them alone! They're probably sleeping. The boy doesn't need to see you looking like that."

They heard a thump against the wall. Bobby grabbed the door handle but Frank quickly grabbed his hand and shook his head.

"Stop it! Leave me alone! I want to see my baby!" Frances yelled.

"Leave you alone? After the shit you pulled today? You did all that to get my attention. Well, now you got it!"

They heard the sound of their father slapping their mother. This time, both Frank and Bobby grabbed the door handle and pulled the door open. They ran into the hall to find their mother backed against the wall with their father holding her by the throat. A red mark from where he slapped her, was beginning to show on Frances' left cheek.

"Daddy, don't!" Bobby yelled.

Henry Goren whirled around and glared at Bobby, "Don't you sass me, boy! Get back in your room or I'll throw you and your brother back into that closet! Is that what you want?"

"Dad, he's just scared," Frank said, his voice shaking with fear.

Henry Goren's gaze moved to his older son, "And you're not?"

Frances Goren suddenly kicked her husband, surprising him enough to release her. She ran and grabbed her sons and shoved them into their room and following them in. Slamming the door shut she locked it. "You're one of them!" she screamed at the door. "You sent them! I know you did! You want us dead!"

Frank and Bobby were hanging on to each other, both of them were frightened and confused.

A loud thump sounded on the door as their father howled in pain. He had apparently tried to break the door down. "God damn it! You stupid, crazy bitch! There was no one here! EVER! The police said you were attacking some poor man at a bus stop! I didn't do anything to you!"

"You're lying, Henry! I know what you want, you want to go play with your whores! Get out and go! I don't care any more!"

Bobby and Frank were terrified. Their mother was standing there screaming at the door, her hair in disarray and her dress torn at the left shoulder.

"Fine! I'm going! Just remember, Frances, I'm not the one who locked the God damn kid in the closet!"

Frances turned around and ran to Bobby and Frank, embracing them both. "We're going to be okay...we are..."

"Be careful, boys, your mother's nuts! Don't turn your back on her!"

The sound of the door slamming shut caused Frances to run to the door, unlock it and go running from the room. She opened the door to the outside hall way and yelled at the retreating back of her husband, "I hate you!"

She re-entered the apartment and slammed the door shut, latching the safety chain. Turning to see Bobby and Frank had followed her to the living room, she ran to them and hugged them to her. "It's okay, I'm home now. I won't let anyone hurt you," she said.

"But...what about Dad?" Frank asked. "Is he coming back?"

"Don't worry about your father. He'll go see one of his whores and come crawling back in a couple of days. He..." Frances stopped in mid-sentence and tensed as she cocked her head in the direction of the door to the hall.

"Mommy?" Bobby said, recognizing the fear in her eyes.

"Shh! They're coming back!" Frances Goren hissed as she grabbed both boys by the arm and dragged them into their room. She closed the door and locked it. "Quick, get under the bed!" she ordered.

Bobby and Frank looked at each other, uncertain what to do. Neither of them had heard anything but their mother had a convincing look of fear on her face.

"Maybe it's Dad?" Frank offered.

Frances pushed both boys to the floor and motioned them under Frank's bed. "No! It's not him! Just get under the bed, now!"

They obeyed and watched as she crawled under Bobby's bed. She motioned for them to be silent and then started to pray.

"Mommy..." Bobby began.

"Hush! Can't you hear them? They'll find us, now be quiet!" Frances said just loudly enough to be heard.

Bobby and Frank looked at each other.

"Do you hear anything?" Frank whispered. Bobby shook his head.

They both looked over at their mother who now had her hands over her ears and her eyes closed tightly.

"Something's wrong with Mommy," Bobby whispered as he looked over at his mother, curled up under his bed.

Frank nodded, "Dad's right, she's nuts...I mean really nuts."

At age seven, young Bobby Goren realized that something was very wrong with his mother.

**End Chapter 1**


	2. Abandoned

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Dick Wolf owns everything. **

_**A/N: **__And yet another defining moment for our hero, Bobby Goren. I figured he got his charm from somewhere and I'm sure someone like his father probably knew how to pour it on when needed. I think Bobby probably didn't realize his father was a deadbeat dad until he got a little older. That's for the next chapter. _

**Defining Moments**

Abandoned

Like many children whose parents fail them on a regular basis, ten year old Bobby Goren still idolized his father. Considering his many failings it would seem odd to most people that Henry Goren inspired anything less than contempt from his children. He often gambled rent money and lost, he had an eye for women and was unfaithful to his wife on a regular basis and he would often go out and get drunk with his friends, forgetting to return home way after the promised ball game with his sons or dinner and movie with his wife.

Henry Goren had a very tempestuous relationship with his wife, Frances. They were both passionate people and they both had incredible tempers. When they were getting along they were passionate in their love making but when they weren't getting along they were just as passionate in their fighting which could escalate into violence on both their parts.

Many times he ignored both his sons and often broke promises to spend time with them. His eldest son Frank got more attention because Frank seemed to take after his father quite a bit. His youngest son Bobby had a tendency to be an annoyance to Henry. Bobby was a good kid but he asked too many questions and it had a tendency to get Henry angry upon occasion. Bobby was too "bookish" as Henry put it. Just like his mother. Still, he was affectionate to both boys when he wasn't too tired from work or too drunk from a drinking binge. He had a temper and he never hesitated to discipline his boys with a strong hand. Once he got a little carried away and Frank found himself at the emergency room getting his head stitched up when Henry slammed him too hard against a brick wall upon finding Frank cutting out of school and smoking with his friends.

Henry wasn't always aloof and away. After his romantic dalliances he would return home with flowers for his wife and toys for his children. Gifted with a natural charm, Henry somehow managed to charm his way out of most of the trouble he got himself into with everyone including his wife and two sons. Things would be wonderful until he ran into a patch of bad luck gambling or if he met another lovely lady who fell for his charming ways. Standing at 6'2" with his dark hair and stunning blue eyes, Henry Goren had the looks to go along with his charm.

Then Frances Goren would fall into a depression and eventually she started seeing and hearing things. She withdrew from her boys and would lock herself in her room, leaving them to fend for themselves. Frank and Bobby knew something was wrong. It wasn't just their mother being angry over their father's latest misadventure. Unfortunately, their father didn't see it that way. Her behavior grew worse over the years and Henry found himself spending less and less time at home and more and more time at bars, race tracks or in the arms of some woman who wasn't his wife.

After a weekend that involved all three of his vices, Henry Goren returned home with the usual bouquet of roses for his wife and skateboard for Bobby and a basketball for Frank.

"Daddy's home!" he said cheerfully as he entered the apartment only to find a darkened living room. It was only six o'clock and he expected to see his family having dinner.

"Frances?" he called, wondering if maybe they hadn't gone out for dinner.

The door to the boys' room opened and Bobby came running out to greet him, "Daddy!" he called as he ran to his father.

Henry put down the skateboards and the flowers and picked his son up in a bear hug. "Hey, you're getting too big for me pick up, son," he laughed. It wasn't until he put Bobby back down that he noticed he had been crying. Kneeling down in front of Bobby, Henry looked at him with concern, "What's wrong, son? Where's your mom and brother?"

Glancing nervously in the direction of his parents' room, Bobby stared at his feet as he replied, "Mom's not feeling well again...she...she locked herself in the bedroom...she won't come out...we...Frank and I...tried to get her to...to come out but...but she...yelled at us..."

Henry's blue eyes darkened, "Where's your brother?"

"He...F-frank went to get us something...to...to eat..but..." Bobby stammered and stared at his bare feet.

"But what?" Henry prodded gently.

"He's...been g-gone...for a...a long time now," Bobby admitted.

"How long is a long time, Bobby?"

Sensing that he could be getting Frank into trouble Bobby hesitated.

"It's okay, son, just let me know when your brother left," Henry tried to reassure his son. He smiled and spoke calmly and softly but what might have been lost on another child was not lost on Bobby. He saw the anger behind his father's eyes and he could see the tension in his shoulders.

"He...he left around...lunch time..." Bobby said softly, feeling like a traitor to Frank but not wanting to lie to his father.

Smiling at his youngest son, patted him on the shoulder, "Good boy, don't worry, you're not in trouble and Frank won't be either if he has a good excuse for leaving you alone for seven hours."

His words were meant to be reassuring but Bobby could hear the underlying anger. Frank and his father hadn't been getting along very well since last year when Henry had caught Frank cutting out of school and hanging out in the alley behind their apartment building smoking cigarettes with his friends. Since he turned thirteen, Frank had started getting into trouble more and more often and Henry wasn't taking it very well.

"Hey, look, I got you a brand new skateboard!" Henry said in an attempt to distract his son.

Bobby's eyes lit up. His old skateboard had been lost when during one of her "crazy spells," as Bobby and Frank referred to it, Frances had found Bobby riding his skateboard on the sidewalk and she grabbed him and dragged him back home, telling him they had to hide from the men who were trying to hurt them. He had cried that he wanted his skateboard but his mother would hear nothing of it and by the time she had calmed down and allowed him to go back outside, it was gone.

Smiling as his father handed him the brand new skateboard that looked just like his old one, Bobby hugged his father and for a moment forgot his mother and brother and was grateful for the respite. He also forgot that his father had been absent for the last week and that his father was responsible for the electricity being shut off for a day because he hadn't paid the bill. In that moment, Henry Goren's charm saved him once more from being the negligent father that he truly was and turned him into the hero who came home to save his son from being alone and scared.

"All right, son, now I'm going to see about your mother. Then we can go look for Frank and get something to eat," Henry said, kissing his son on the top of his head. "You go wash up and get some shoes on."

As Bobby ran off to follow his father's instructions, Henry stood up and rubbed the back of his neck as he often did in times of stress. Grabbing the flowers he had brought for his wife, he headed to their bedroom. He wasn't sure how he would be received but usually, after some apologies and cajoling, he could get his wife to come around.

Knocking on the bedroom door, Henry used his most charming voice to lure his wife out. "Come on, honey, I want to take you and the boys out to dinner. I know I've been an ass and I'm sorry." He knocked a little louder when he got no response, "Frances? Come on, sweetheart, I've got flowers for you."

Before Henry could knock again, the door flew open and a disheveled, wild-eyed Frances stood with Frank's baseball bat in hand. "Don't you touch me!" she screamed as her husband moved warily towards her, reaching for the bat.

"Now, honey, it's okay...I'm home now and I'm so..." Henry began but was cut off by the swing of the bat at his head. He ducked just in time and the bat made a very loud contact with the door frame. "Christ, Frances! You could have killed me!"

"You wait until my husband gets home! He'll kill you!" Frances hissed as Henry grabbed her arm with one hand the baseball bat with the other.

"Stop it! NOW!" Henry yelled as he disarmed his petite but ferocious wife. "I know you're pissed off at me and I deserve to be yelled at but God Damn it, I don't deserve to have my brains bashed out."

Standing in the bathroom doorway, Bobby watched, horrified at the sight of his parents apparently locked in mortal combat. "Mommy! Daddy! Don't!" he cried.

Henry yelled to Bobby over his shoulder, "Get in your room, Bobby."

"But...but Dad..."

"NOW!" Henry yelled.

Bobby immediately obeyed his father but left the door open a crack so he could watch what was happening.

Wrestling the bat from Frances' hand, Henry pushed her back into the bedroom. He tossed the bat into the hallway and grabbed his wife by both her wrists.

"NO, LET ME GO!" Frances screamed. "My husband will be here any minute! He'll KILL YOU!"

"Listen to me!" Henry yelled. "You're hysterical! I'm right here, Frances! Look at me!"

At that moment, the door to the apartment opened and Frank walked in oblivious to the chaos inside. "Hey Bobby! I'm home, I got some hamburgers and fries!"

"Henry! Henry is that you?" Frances called. "Help me!"

Tossing the bag on the coffee table, Frank ran to his parents room to see what was going on. He found his father holding his furious mother tightly in his arms as she flailed and kicked at him.

"Dad! What's..." he began.

"Shut-up and help me!" Henry ordered his oldest son. "Your mother attacked me with a baseball bat! She's trying to fucking kill me!" At this point he had Frances in bear hug, holding her tightly from behind.

"Mom, it's okay!" Frank said as he stepped in front of her as she kicked and slapped Henry.

Seeing Frank she stopped and grabbed his hands, "Henry! I knew you'd come! Help me!"

Frank and Henry exchanged confused glances.

"Mom...I'm..." Frank began but Henry shook his head and mouthed 'Go along with her,' to Frank.

"It's okay, I'll take care of you," Frank said, taking his mother's hand. "Come on, let's go out to the living room."

"Kill him, Henry!" she yelled to Frank as she turned and pointed at her husband. "He tried to hurt me!"

"It's okay, the police are coming...you don't have to worry," Frank said, trying to placate his mother.

She turned on Frank, "NO! You're supposed to protect me!"

"I will, the police..." Frank began.

"You're lying!" Frances screamed as she slapped Frank across the face.

"Mom! Stop it!" Frank pleaded as he grabbed her hands.

Releasing his wife, Henry headed to the living room. "Well, I think perhaps calling the police is definitely in order here. Attempted murder for Christ's sake!"

Before he could reach the telephone, Frances had broken away from Frank, grabbed the discarded baseball bat and wielded it above her head as she ran towards her husband.

"Mom! Don't!" Frank yelled. Bobby, who was watching it all unfold from his room, ran out into the hall and followed closely behind Frank.

"Daddy, watch out!" Bobby yelled as Frances swung the bat.

Turning half way and raising his arms protectively, Henry Goren took the brunt of the hit on his left arm. He felt the sharp pain and heard the sound of his arm breaking.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" he screamed at his wife who was now being restrained by Frank and disarmed by Bobby.

"Leave me alone!" Frances screamed at her sons who were looking at her as if she were a stranger. She broke away from them and ran back to her room screaming, "You're all lying! You all want to hurt me!" The bedroom door slammed shut loudly and the sound of Frances sobbing loudly could be heard.

All the commotion brought one of their neighbors to their door. "Hey, what's going on in there? Do I have to call the cops again?"

Frank ran to open the door, "It's okay, Mrs. Kibiloski, my mom was just..."

The gray haired woman who lived across the hall stared at Henry, who sat on the floor, cradling his broken arm and cursing his wife. Bobby sat on the floor next to him crying, the baseball bat lying between them.

"My wife is crazy!" Henry declared as he slowly stood himself up, wincing from the pain in his broken arm.

"Then you should do something about it," Mrs. Kibiloski said, unsympathetically. "She shouldn't be left here to care for two young boys because she is obviously incapable!" With that she turned and went back to her apartment, slamming the door behind her.

"Nosy bitch," Henry muttered as he sat on the couch, sweat dripping down his face.

"Dad, your arm...you need..." Frank began.

"I know what I need, Frank. I need a drink and a new life," Henry interupted. "And where the hell were you all day that you left your brother alone for seven hours?"

"We didn't have any food in the house! I had to get food and I had no money. It took me all day to figure out a way to buy something!" Frank spat out, feeling incredibly put out by the way his father was suddenly turning on him as if the whole episode was his fault.

"You managed to buy some any way, I see," Henry motioned to the bag on the coffee table with his right arm, wincing as a twinge of pain shot up his broken left arm at the movement. "And how did you do that, Frank? Did you steal it?"

"I just got it, all right? It's better than you did this week," Frank replied, his anger starting to get the better of him.

"You're selling drugs, aren't you?" Henry accused, his eyes narrowing as he glared at his son.

"Why? You want to buy some?" Frank retorted.

"You fucking ingrate!" Henry yelled but winced as he moved to reach out for Frank.

Stepping back and feeling cocky because he now had an advantage over his taller and stronger father, Frank snickered, "What the hell do I have to be grateful for, Dad? You leaving us alone with mom all week? Letting the electricity go off so we couldn't take a hot bath or cook anything or have light at night?"

"No, don't!" Bobby cried as he watched his family slowly disintegrating before his eyes. "Don't fight, we...we have to he...help each other! We...""Dad doesn't know how to help us, Bobby," Frank said bitterly, pulling Bobby away from Henry's side. "He's too worried about placing his bets on the next race or getting drunk with his friends or screwing around on mom."

"You know what? Fuck it! Fuck you all! I've had it," Henry declared, standing up and heading for the door. "I don't need any of this shit."

"No! Daddy! Wait!" Bobby cried.

"Don't bother, Bobby, he's not worth it," Frank said as he held Bobby, preventing him from running after their father.

"No! Wh...where are you...you...g-going, Daddy?" Bobby cried, trying to pull away from Frank.

Looking over his shoulder at his sons Henry shook his head, "It's not worth it. First I'm going to get my arm fixed and then I'm going to see my lawyer. You've got your mother to thank for this, boys." With that, he disappeared out the door.

"N-no! Fr-Frank...we can't...can't let h-him...go!" Bobby sobbed as Frank slammed the door to the apartment shut and locked it. "What...what are...are we g-gonna do n-now?" he bawled as Frank took him by the hand, grabbed the bag with the now cold hamburger and fries and led Bobby to the kitchen.

"We're gonna...we're gonna just do what we always do, Bobby. We're gonna take care of ourselves." Frank said quietly as he got some milk out of the refrigerator. Fortunately, it hadn't gone bad yet.

"But...but Dad...he...he..." Bobby stammered, still sobbing over his father's departure and his mother's violent breakdown.

"Screw him!" Frank said vehemently. "He doesn't care, don't you get it? He only pretends to care. You think Mom would be so fucked up if he weren't such an asshole?"

"But...M-mom was...was sick before..."

"Fine, so it's her fault then. All I know is, whoever started it, we are the ones who pay for it." Frank poured two glasses of milk for them and made Bobby sit down. "How many times have I had to feed us, Bobby?"

Bobby shrugged as he played with his cold french fries.

"Too many times to count," Frank said bitterly, taking a bite out of his hamburger.

"Is...is it true? Wh-what Dad...Dad said?" Bobby asked.

"What part?"

"That...that you s-sold drugs to...to get money to..."

Frank's eyes darkened, "It's not important, Bobby. How long did you think the electricity would have stayed off if I didn't do something about it?"

Bobby looked confused, "But...but you told mom...Dad...that he sent the...the money."

Frank rubbed his hands over his face, "You know, Bobby, I'm beginning to understand why Dad gets so mad at you all the time. Why can't you just let things be?"

Staring at his food, Bobby cried silently, wishing his father would come back home again and make everything all right like he did earlier.

"Bobby, just eat your dinner. I'm sorry I got mad," Frank apologized, wanting Bobby to stop crying and just eat. He could never understand why Bobby always had to ask so many questions. Frank knew it was just part of his brother's nature but it was still annoying non-the-less.

It was a fact, however, that Frank was doing something illegal to get money. Not selling drugs but he was stealing and selling to pawn shops. Frank figured Bobby would understand one day when he had to fend for himself. Already, at age thirteen, Frank Goren was planning to leave home as soon as he was old enough. Bobby would learn to take care of himself just like Frank had to.

True to his word, Henry Goren got his arm fixed and then went to see a lawyer. He returned to the apartment once to get his things and that was the only time Bobby saw him until almost a year later when Henry and Frances Goren's divorce was finalized.

Henry took eleven year old Bobby and fourteen year old Frank to lunch and assured them he would visit them every other weekend like the divorce agreement stipulated. Frank knew better but said nothing. Despite all the disappointments in the past, Bobby wanted desperately to believe in Henry, who poured on the 'Goren charm' as Frances put it. He wanted to believe his father would be there every other weekend to be with his sons. But deep down in his heart, at age eleven, Bobby Goren knew he had been abandoned.

**End Chapter 2**


	3. When Heroes Fall

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Dick Wolf owns everything. **

_**A/N: **__Well, time for Bobby to finally develop that deep resentment and learn to despise deadbeat dads and absentee fathers. These should be updated more frequently now that I'm done with An Unbreakable Bond and I'm putting A Charmed Life on hiatus until this one catches up to it.   
_

**When Heroes Fall**

"Bookish" was the word Bobby's father had used to describe him once. It annoyed Henry Goren that Bobby seemed to want to be in the library reading rather than outside playing ball. But it did seem that Bobby was Frances' boy. Bobby took after his mother and like his mother, he loved being in the library, reading anything he could get his hands on.

He did all right in sports but nothing outstanding. Played Little League baseball as a kid and ran track in junior high. But he did them for something to do. He didn't love doing these things a he loved reading and learning new things. Frank was the one who excelled in sports. Thus, Frank was the one who got most of the attention from his father. Not that it was a lot to begin with. It just seemed like it was a lot to Bobby who envied Frank when he came home with their father after a game. Bobby didn't notice it was one game out of several each season.

So, at age 14, when the JV basketball coach at school noticed an already 6-foot tall Bobby Goren walking down the halls of the high school, he immediately recruited him for the team. At first Bobby wasn't sure he wanted to play basketball. His brother did until he finally wasn't allowed to because his grades had fallen.

When he mentioned it to his father, Henry Goren beamed proudly. "Now that's my boy! I knew you had it in you to do something like this!"

Despite having been disappointed by his father over and over again in the last three years since his parents' divorce, Bobby believed that this would be something that might make his father proud and interested enough to spend some time with him. He knew his father had attended some of Frank's games and hoped he would come to see him as well.

Bobby dedicated himself whole-heartedly to the sport and found himself on the starting team. When he proudly announced it to his father, Henry Goren beamed at him and patted him on the back, taking him to dinner with his friends and bragging to them all that his son was going to be a star basketball player. It was the most time Henry had spent with his younger son in years.

When he dropped him off at home, Henry promised Bobby he would be there for his next game.

Feeling incredibly happy that he had finally done something to gain his father's attention, Bobby arrived home to find his brother Frank on the phone.

"...yea, I'll be there. Okay, I gotta go...right...bye," Frank hung up the phone and turned to greet his brother. "Mom left some dinner for you in the refrigerator. She actually cooked today."

This was turning out to be a good night for Bobby. His mother had recently been put on some medication for her schizophrenia and it seemed to have helped somewhat. Not every day was a good one but today apparently was.

"She cooked? Gee, I'm sorry I ate already," Bobby replied as he removed his jacket and hung it up in the closet.

"Dad actually fed you?" Frank asked, slightly surprised.

"Yea, he was happy that I made the JV team," Bobby said, still feeling quite pleased that his father had actually seemed to want to spend time with him.

Frank smirked, "Enjoy it while you can. You'll be lucky if he shows up at any games."

Wondering if perhaps Frank wasn't feeling resentful, Bobby shruggged, "He showed up at your games."

"Let's see, two out of a dozen and at one of them he was drunk. He shouldn't have bothered," Frank muttered as she grabbed his jacket from the couch and headed for the door.

Not wanting to belabor the point, Bobby decided to let it drop. Frank would only go on and on about what an asshole their father was anyway. Instead, he decided to press another sore point since he was feeling a little resentful that Frank would try and ruin his evening.

"So where are you going at this hour?"

"Work," Frank replied simply.

"What kind of job can a seventeen year old get that starts after nine at night?" Bobby asked as he plopped down on the sofa.

"There you go again with the stupid questions," Frank said as he paused by the door.

"There you go again, avoiding the question and acting just like Dad."

"Fuck you, Bobby. I don't have to answer to you!" With that, Frank headed out of the apartment and slammed the door behind him.

Feeling only slightly guilty, Bobby sighed as he pulled out his books from his backpack. He was bound and determined to not be like Frank. He was not going to get dropped from the basketball team because of poor grades. He wasn't going to put graduation from high school in jeopardy because he skipped too many classes. He was going to try and have a relationship with his father, despite it all.

cicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicici

That Friday night, the night of his first basketball game, Bobby was excited and nervous. His mother promised to be there and she made Frank promise to be there as well. Bobby didn't think Frank would keep his promise and was surprised to see him there with some of his 'loser friends' as his mother put it. His mother was seated in the bleachers with her friend Gail who lived just down the hall from them. She waved at Bobby and beamed at him proudly.

Bobby smiled and waved back, feeling guilty that he was mostly looking for his father.

Frank waved to him and ran over to see him. "Hey, little brother, looks like you're not so little any more," he said amicably. Bobby was only fourteen and already stood at 6' tall. Frank figured Bobby would pass him in height by the time he turned sixteen. At age seventeen, Frank had topped out at 6'2", just like his father.

"Better be nice to me Frank, when I'm taller than you I'll kick your ass," Bobby chided his brother.

"I doubt it, you're too damn nice, Bobby. You gotta toughen up."

Both brothers smiled and didn't notice Coach Kline approaching them. "Hey Bobby, come on, you're wasting your warm up time."

"You're gonna do great, Bobby!" Frank called after his brother.

Bobby waved at Frank and headed back on to the basketball court, scanning the crowd for his father. Frank watched and still had enough innocence in him to hope that their father would show up. He remembered all the broken promises Henry Goren had made to him and he had broken just about every one. _Maybe he'll come through for Bobby..._ Frank hoped, knowing in his heart that if their father did show up, it would be a lucky coincidence that he would choose this one time to actually follow through on a promise. Bobby would be disappointed eventually but at least he would have a good first game.

The buzzer sounded that told the teams that the game was about to start. Bobby still did not see his father anywhere. _He'll be here, he's just running a little late. The game hasn't even started yet. _

"Hey Frank, let's get the hell out of here. Who the hell cares about this lame game anyway?" Tony Surrell, Frank's partner in crime - literally - asked as he and the rest of the 'losers' were anxious to get out of a place with so many teachers, coaches and parents.

"I have to stick around for a little bit," Frank replied. "If you guys want to go, I'll just meet you at the usual place around eleven o'clock, okay?"

"What's with you, Frankie? Your baby brother need a babysitter?" Sam Jenkot teased.

"Shut up, Sam. I just wanna watch the game, okay?" Frank turned and glared at Sam, who was still afraid of Frank ever since he knocked a tooth out when they had a disagreement last year.

"Yea, well I want a cigarette so I say we let Frank babysit and the rest of us with our balls still intact can go," said Marco Giancacci.

"Fuck you, Marco. You wanna see whose got what intact outside?" Frank challenged, knowing full well that with a good four inches over Marco, he could easily take him.

"Whatever, man. We'll meet you later then," Marco answered, averting his eyes to avoid looking directly at Frank.

Watching his friends leave, Frank felt like an idiot. He looked out on the court and watched Bobby as he continued to scan the crowd, looking for their father. _Just once let the son-of-a-bitch come through. _ Frank had no idea why he felt so worried about Bobby lately. Probably the guilt he felt for having saved enough money to make a deposit and first month's rent on an apartment with Tony. _ Damn it, I can't babysit him forever...I need to get away from all the crap I've been living with all my life. Mom's still crazy despite the meds and Dad is still a deadbeat loser...I gotta look after myself, now. _ No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he should just leave, he couldn't do it.

"Frank!" Frances Goren called to her son. She was happy to see his loser friends leave.

Smiling at his mother, Frank made his way over to where she was sitting with her friend,Gail.

"Hey, Mom," he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Thank goodness his friends were gone or he would never have heard the end of it.

"Sit with us, Frank, you don't need to be hanging out with those boys," Frances Goren said as she watched Frank's friends leave the gymnasium.

Instead of arguing with her as he usually did, Frank merely nodded and sat next to his mother, glancing around the gym for any signs of his father. _Damn it, now he's got me doing it! I know he won't show up and yet I'm looking for him. What is it with Bobby and his Pollyanna outlook on life? He's got to grow up sooner or later... _Even with those thoughts running through his mind, Frank still hoped for his brother's sake that their father would show up. _Then again the asshole will probably be drunk or bring one of his girlfriends with him_.

At courtside, Bobby sat nervously looking around the gym. Coach Kline misunderstood Bobby's anxiety. "Don't worry son, you'll do fine. I bet you'll be Varsity material by the time you're a sophomore!"

Bobby smiled and nodded, only hearing half of what the coach was trying to tell him. He kept scanning the crowd, looking for his father. He saw Frank was still there with their mother and waved at them.

His father had been so proud and had actually taken him to dinner and introduced him to his friends. Bobby just knew his father would be there that evening. _Perhaps he thought it was going to be later than it was? JV basketball games were played earlier than Varsity. Maybe he got the time confused? _

"Goren! Let's move!" Coach Kline yelled as Bobby realized the game was about to begin.

Watching his brother play, Frank was impressed at how good Bobby had become in such a short time. Bobby had never shown much interest in sports and while he did all right, he never seemed to care to try and excel at it. Frank was the one who loved basketball and baseball. If it hadn't been for his grades, he would still be playing on the Varsity team.

Whether it was because he kept seeing Bobby do it or because he himself was hoping their father would show up, Frank kept looking around for his father. This was one time Frank didn't want to be right.

When the game ended with the home team winning, Frances and Frank stood up and cheered along with the rest of the parents and students who had come out to see the game. There was no sign of Henry Goren anywhere.

Despite having performed very well in his first ever game, Bobby was feeling incredibly depressed. All the other team members were in high spirits and didn't notice that Bobby had slipped quietly out of the locker room. On a night when he should have been feeling incredibly happy and quite accomplished, Bobby Goren felt absolutely miserable.

Back in the gym, Frances sent Frank to get Bobby so they could go out and have a celebratory dinner. Finding no sign of Bobby anywhere, Frank did what he did best and lied, telling his mother that Bobby had been invited to dinner with the rest of the team. He had heard one of the player's father offering to buy them all some pizza so he figured it wasn't really a lie. He never said Bobby agreed to go.

Arriving at home there was no sign of Bobby. Frances went to bed and told Frank to make sure he told Bobby how proud she was of him.

It was ten o'clock and Frank was getting anxious. He was worried about Bobby but he also knew he had to meet his friends at eleven o'clock. By ten thirty, Frank just couldn't wait any longer. He left hoping Bobby would come home soon and be all right. He just couldn't keep watching out for him any more.

Sitting on a garbage can in the alleyway across from his apartment building, Bobby sat and watched Frank, his mother and Gail return home. He knew Frank was going to leave after their mother went to bed so he sat and waited. Sure enough, there was Frank, heading off to find his friends. Bobby was in no mood to hear Frank say 'I told you so.' Not tonight.

Entering the apartment as quietly as possible, Bobby picked up the phone and dialed his father's number. The phone rang ten times and Bobby was about to hang up when a woman's voice answered, "Hello?" she said sounding out of breath.

"Uh...I'm sorry...I think I got the wrong number," Bobby said, feeling slightly embarassed even if she couldn't see him.

_"If you're looking for Henry Goren he's..." _the woman suddenly burst out into a fit of giggles, _"Henry! Stop it!"' _

In the background he could hear his father's voice, _"Come on, baby, hang up the phone, it can't be anyone important." _More giggles from the woman and then her voice again, _"Just answer the phone Henry, they know you're here now. Besides, we've got all night."_

_"All right, who the hell are you and what the hell do you want? This better be good, it's after ten and you really interupted something important here."_

For a moment, Bobby was speechless. He had no idea what to say. He briefly considered hanging up the phone but his anger got the better of him. "It's your unimportant son calling to tell you you're an asshole!" Bobby yelled into the phone.

_"Frank? What the fuck are you..." _Henry began.

"No! It's..it's your even less important son, you asshole. You...you can't even...why did I want your fucking approval in the first place! You're fucking your...your...whatever the fuck she is...and you didn't even remember..."

"_Bobby!" _Henry yelled, sounding incredibly surprised and very annoyed. _"What the hell are you doing? Do you know what time it is, boy?"_

"Yes, I heard you! I'm...I'm not as stupid as you are! Do you know what day it is?"

There was silence on the other end of the line as Bobby waited for his father to start his excuses. He was even more unpleasantly surprised than he was already.

_"For Christ's sake, Bobby, if this is about your damn basketball game..."_ Henry began.

"You knew? You...you knew and you decided to...to spend the evening fucking your girlfriend?" Bobby was livid. "You're not...not even trying to...to pretend any more!"

_"Calm down, Bobby, I didn't..." _

"You know what? Frank...he was right..."

_"Frank? You're listening to your loser brother? Listen..." _

"I'm done listening, Dad. I'm done with you! You think screwing your girlfriend is more important than..."

_"I don't need to take this crap from you, Bobby. I wouldn't put up with it from Frank and I certainly won't put up with from you! Do you know what it was like being married to your crazy mother?" _

"It couldn't have been half as bad...as...as it was for her to be married to you," Bobby said finally as he hung up the phone. He stared at it with conflicting emotions. Part of him wanted his father to call and apologize, the other part of him never wanted to hear his voice ever again. _Apologize? What the hell am I thinking! He'll call back to tell me what a horrible son I am. No, it would be too much trouble for him to call back. He probably wants to get back to screwing his girlfriend and drinking. _

All the yelling Bobby had done had awakened Frances Goren. She was listening to Bobby's end of the conversation from her room. Now as she saw her son sitting there alone, she felt her heart aching for him. Quietly she walked out to him and sat next to him on the couch.

"I'm sorry, Bobby," she said as she took her son's hand.

"Why...why are you apologizing for...for something you...didn't do?" Bobby asked, looking at his mother feeling very guilty about ignoring her during the game and not appreciating her support because he was so desperate for his father's mere presence.

"Because, it's my fault," she said simply.

"No, no it's not...you're...it's not your fault, Mom." Now Bobby felt really horrible. "You were...there for me...today...and..."

"And you wanted your father."

"Yes, but I..."

"Hush, Bobby, you want what you want. All children want their father to be their hero. I'm just sorry we both haven't been better parents for you and your brother."

This was one of the most lucid conversations Bobby had with his mother in a while. He felt very guilty about not appreciating her mental stability over the last couple of weeks because he was so intent on gaining his father's approval. He also felt guilty about blaming her for his father's departure. When his father had left Bobby blamed his mother's illness as the ultimate reason for his filing for a divorce. He never realized that Henry Goren was mostly to blame for not recognizing his wife's illness. He kept telling her she was crazy but he never did anything about it.

"I love you, Mom," Bobby said simply as he gave her a warm hug.

"Don't worry, Bobby, we have Frank. He'll take care of us, even if your father can't," Frances said reassuringly. "Did he tell you he got a night job?"

"Ah...yea, he...he did...he..."

"He's a stock clerk so he can work at night when the store is closed and still go to school," Frances said proudly. "He works hard, your brother."

Bobby nodded, "Yea, he does." _Smooth, Frank, really smooth. You really learned a lot from Dad._ Bobby didn't have the heart to tell his mother the truth. She probably wouldn't have believed him anyway. It began a long tradition of Frances putting Frank on a pedestal.

The next day, Henry Goren called. He didn't call to apologize, he called to yell at Bobby for being an ungrateful bastard and to tell him to never call him like that again. Bobby quietly reassured his father he would never call him ever again. It was the last time Bobby spoke to Henry for four years.

End Chapter 3


	4. Alone

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Dick Wolf owns everything. **

_A/N: Things will get better...honest! Just not for another chapter or two, maybe three. Hey, Balcer and company are responsible for Bobby's miserable past, you know. I'm just sharing my version of it. ;-) _

**Alone **

It was the last day of school for the year. Unlike most of his classmates, Bobby hated summer break. At least when he was in school he was away from his pathetic excuse of a home life. And of course, being very bright, Bobby did exceptionally well in school. So it was with a little bit of sadness that he left school that day.

It had been a great freshman year academically. He even made the JV basketball team. He didn't last more than two games, however. After being disappointed that it didn't get his father's attention as he thought it would, Bobby lost interest in the game. Coach Kline was very disappointed and kept after Bobby to come back but to no avail. Bobby found himself actually disliking the game now because of the negative connotations now associated with it.

He arrived at home to find his brother Frank packing a suitcase.

"Going on a trip?" Bobby asked, suddenly feeling uneasy.

Without looking at him, Frank closed up the suitcase. "It's time, Bobby." He put the suitcase on the floor and grabbed a roll of tape and started sealing up a box.

Bobby looked around the room and realized Frank had packed everything that belonged to him. "You...you're leaving?"

"I turned 18 last month, I'm done with school..."

"You...you still have another year, Frank!" Bobby exclaimed, feeling a sense of panic coming over him. "You...can't...you can't just..."

"I can Bobby," Frank replied calmly, refusing to look at his brother and concentrating on the task at hand, which was apparently, taping up that box.

"But...but what about Mom? Does she know?"

Frank shook his head, "I didn't want her to get all hysterical on me. She's...she's been doing well and so I figured if I just left before she got home from work...it might be easier."

"For you, maybe!" Bobby yelled, suddenly feeling incredibly angry. "She's going to...to have a break down if you just...just leave! Frank! You..."

"I told you, Bobby, I've told you for a long time. You're going to have to learn to take care of yourself, just like I'm taking care of myself. I can't take care of you forever," Frank said still not looking at his brother.

"But...what about school and where will you live? Frank...where are you going?" Bobby felt like he was going to throw up.

"I told you, I'm done with school. I don't care if I don't graduate. I don't need a high school diploma to make money. I can get my GED and I'll be fine." Frank was done with the box and finally looked up at Bobby. "Tony and I rented an apartment. That's where I'll be staying."

"Are you still gonna be here in the city?" Bobby asked, sitting down on his bed as he started to feel a little light headed.

"We're getting a place in Jersey. Tony's uncle owns a construction business and he's gonna hire us as laborers." Still refusing to look his brother in the eye, Frank carried the box to the living room then came back to get his suitcase.

"Can...will you...will you come to...to visit?" Bobby asked, feeling absolutely miserable.

Finally, Frank looked over at Bobby, "I don't ever want to come back here again."

"But..." Bobby began but Frank held up a hand to stop him.

"Look, Bobby, you can come visit me and Tony if you like. Here," Frank said as he put the suitcase down and grabbed Bobby's notebook and pen from the desk. He scribbled something down and handed it to Bobby. "You can call me, Bobby. It's gonna be okay. Mom is working at the library again and here," Frank reached into his pocket and handed Bobby some cash. "There's two hundred dollars there, Bobby. You keep it in case of an emergency."

Staring at the cash Frank had stuffed in his hand, Bobby just wanted to cram it down Frank's throat.

"It's gonna be okay, Bobby," Frank repeated, knowing his words sounded hollow.

"Money isn't the point, Frank," Bobby said still staring at the money in his hand.

"Hey, Tony's coming to pick me up and you can come along and stay over a couple of nights," Frank offered, hoping it would make Bobby feel better.

"What about Mom?" Bobby asked, looking up at Frank.

"I can't keep worrying about Mom. I'm sick and tired of being yelled at and hit because she thinks I'm Dad or somebody else out to get her! Sure, she's fine now but for how long, huh? She's never gonna get better, Bobby. She's gonna be like that the rest of her life and I deserve better! You deserve better!" Frank yelled. He was also sick and tired of explaining himself to Bobby.

"It's not her fault. She's not...not like Dad. She's sick..."

"Yea, and it's not my fault either," Frank said sullenly picking up his suitcase and heading out to the living room.

Bobby followed his brother and grabbed him by the shirt, slammed him against the wall and shoved the money he had given him in his face, "Take your damn money! Just take it and go! If you want to abandon us, then make it a clean break, Frank. You don't want to be like Dad and make false promises, do you?"

Pushing Bobby away from him Frank picked up the suitcase he dropped and let the cash fall to the floor. "Go to hell, Bobby!" he yelled over his shoulder.

"I'm already there, Frank!"

"It's not my fault!"

There was a knock at the door and Frank opened the door to find his friend Tony looking concerned. "Everything okay?" Tony asked.

"No, my brother is a whining little bastard!" Frank replied handing Tony his suitcase and grabbing the box he left by the door. "Have a great life, little brother. And don't call me! I am not your care taker any more!"

The door slammed in Bobby's face. He stood there just staring at the door. Frank was gone, just like his father. _What am I going to do now? Mom isn't going to take it well that Frank is gone. What a cowardly bastard he is to leave without even telling her! She always keeps telling me how Frank will take care of us...God, what am I going to do? She'll have another break down...they'll make her go to the hospital. She won't be working and...what's going to happen to me? _

Heading back to his room, the room he had shared with Frank until today, Bobby lay back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. There were no more tears to shed. He was beyond that. He stayed that way until his mother returned home at 6 o'clock that evening.

Just as he predicted, his mother didn't take the news of Frank's departure very well. She screamed at Bobby and blamed him for not helping Frank more. The next morning, Bobby found her sitting in the living room, just staring at a picture of Frank when he was on the Varsity basketball team. He tried talking to her but she was unresponsive. By late morning, Bobby called her doctor. By mid-afternoon, his mother had been admitted into a psychiatric hospital and Bobby found himself living with strangers in foster care.

His father was gone, his brother was gone and his mother was in the hospital. Bobby, who had only wanted his family to be together and to help each other, was now all alone.

End Chapter 4


	5. There Comes A Time

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns everything, I own nothing.**

_A/N: This one took a lot of contemplation on my part and some discussion for some feedback and ideas, so thanks to untapdtreasure for the help. The song is the title track of Neil Young's 1978 album. Seems appropriate and fitting for this chapter and kind of helped me while I wrote it. Neil Young is another of my heroes. _

**There Comes A Time**

**"Comes A Time"**

By Neil Young

_Comes a time  
when you're driftin'  
Comes a time  
when you settle down_

_Comes a light  
feelin's liftin'  
Lift that baby  
right up off the ground._

_Oh, this old world  
keeps spinning round  
It's a wonder tall trees  
ain't layin' down_

_There comes a time.  
You and I we were captured  
We took our souls  
and we flew away_

_We were right  
we were giving  
That's how we kept  
what we gave away._

_Oh, this old world  
keeps spinning round  
It's a wonder tall trees  
ain't layin' down_

**There comes a time.**

It was the summer of 1979 and Bobby Goren was two weeks shy of turning 18. He had spent the last four years of his life being shuffled around between various relatives and foster homes and he was quite ready to live his own life. He tried to visit his mother as much as he was able. She had been institutionalized ever since his brother Frank had abandoned them.

Bobby saw Frank twice since that day he had packed his things and left. Once at school when Frank and his friend and roommate Tony came to pick up one of their cohorts who was still in school. Neither brother spoke to the other. Bobby was still feeling angry over Frank's abandonment and Frank still had enough of a conscience to feel guilty.

When Bobby was staying with his mother's cousin Charlene and her family last summer, Frank had come by to see him. That visit ended badly. Apparently Frank had only wanted to see if his little brother wanted to help him run a scam. Bobby declined and the two brothers parted vowing they would never speak to the other again.

In his senior year of high school, Bobby's friend Lewis Denning's parents offered Bobby a place to stay when Lewis' older sister got married and moved out. The Dennings liked Bobby. He was polite, well-mannered and very appreciative of any kindness shown to him. They especially liked the way he reminded Lewis of what a fortunate child he was to have a loving family. Twice when Bobby had been over to visit, his mother had asked Lewis to help with some chores before he could go off and play, Lewis complained while Bobby cheerfully volunteered to help him, telling him he would give anything to have his mother around to bug him about chores.

So, when his cousin Charlene and her family moved to Philadelphia because her husband got a better job offer, Bobby was invited to stay with the Dennings. Charlene and her family wanted Bobby to go with them but Bobby didn't want to leave New York. Despite everything, he still felt he needed to be near his mother. Even though Frank was the one she asked for everytime he visited her and even though sometimes she didn't know who he was, his mother was the only family he felt he had left and Bobby wasn't going to abandon her.

That was the situation in August of 1979 when Bobby and Lewis were busy at work. Bobby was a year older than Lewis and he had just graduated high school. Both boys worked part-time at Lewis' uncle's garage during the school year and now that Bobby had graduated, he was working full-time and for the summer, at least, so was Lewis.

Lewis planned to go to work for his uncle and take some business classes at community college so he could someday own his own shop. Lewis was a bright young man but he wasn't interested in going to college.

Bobby was somewhat interested in college. While he was a very intelligent young man, sometimes his grades didn't always reflect that. His tendency towards the unorthodox and tendency to ask unanswerable questions sometimes frustrated his instructors. His biology teacher once almost threw him out of class when Bobby went over and beyond during the dissection of a fetal pig. Bobby's need to smell and touch everything drove Mr. Pratt crazy and he was probably the happiest teacher alive on the face of the planet when the school year was over and Bobby Goren had graduated.

And so, with grades that failed to earn him any huge scholarships, the full-time summer job at Lewis' uncle's garage was Bobby's best hope to get a college education and while he enjoyed working on cars, Bobby felt he wanted more from life than that. He didn't know what he wanted to do exactly and he hoped he would find something in college.

Lewis' parents loved having Bobby around. He was a good influence on Lewis and Lewis loved having Bobby around because he always wanted an older brother. And of course Bobby was happy because he finally felt like he was part of a family. Staying with them also helped Bobby save his money and the Dennings encouraged Bobby to do so.

How odd that it would be at this time in his life, when he finally had what he had most wanted, that Bobby Goren would decide to leave it all behind him.

It was a warm morning in August as Lewis and Bobby arrived at work bright and early. They were greeted by Lewis' uncle Hal, a rotund and balding man who nothing like his tall, slender brother who was Lewis' father.

"Hey, boys," Hal greeted his nephew and his friend.

"Hey Uncle Hal," Lewis replied. "Got any neat cars for us to work on today?"

Bobby smacked Lewis on the shoulder and said jokingly, "Last time you asked him that we got stuck fixing the door on that beat up old rust bucket we couldn't even identify as a truck."

Hal laughed good naturedly and smiled. "Actually, boys, I've got something you might be interested in working on."

Lewis glanced at Bobby and rolled his eyes, "You were right, I should have just kept my mouth shut."

"No, no, this is actually something you'll love," Hal insisted. He motioned the boys to follow him to the back of the shop where cars that were dropped off the night before were kept. "Just don't mess it up or you'll be my indentured servants for the rest of your lives." At the look of concern on Lewis' face, Hal chuckled, "It's just a routine tune up and Max is going to be overseeing your work so you don't mess it up."

"We can do tune ups, Uncle Hal, it's not brain surgery," Lewis protested.

The boys followed Hal to the back where there were four cars parked and waiting to be worked on. A couple of Ford trucks, a black Lincoln Towncar and a red and white classic '57 Chevy that looked to be in mint condition.

"Whoa! A '57 Chevy!" Lewis and Bobby both exclaimed at the same time.

"You're gonna let us work on that?" Bobby asked in amazement.

Hal nodded and put an arm around each of the boys, "You've been doing great work and I'm sure you'll do fine. Like I said, routine tune-up. This car's been well cared for it seems."

"Who brought it in?" Lewis asked as he and Bobby checked out the car.

"Some woman named Tina. Said she brought it in for her boyfriend. He's gonna pick it up this afternoon," Hal informed them. "Now hurry up and get to work, kids. I'm not paying you to stand around gawking at cars," he teased.

The boys went to work with great enthusiasm. Max, one of Hal's long time mechanics, checked in on them periodically and teased them about one thing or another. It didn't take them long to get the car tuned up and ready to go, though they did try and delay the process just a little so they could work on the Chevy just a little longer.

Two cars later at lunch time, Bobby and Lewis were still talking about the Chevy. They were finishing up their sandwiches in the break room when they heard Max calling to Mandy, Hal's girlfriend and office clerk, to get the keys and bill for the '57 Chevy.

Curious to see who owned the vehicle they had been admiring, Bobby and Lewis tossed the remains of their lunch into the garbage and headed out to the garage.

Standing just outside the breakroom door was a tall, leggy blonde wearing a fitted red tank top and fitted denim shorts, hanging on to the arm of a tall, older man with salt and peppered curly black hair dressed in an expensive looking gray suit. Even from the back the boys knew the woman had to be drop dead gorgeous.

"I thought your uncle said the woman brought the car for her boyfriend, not her dad," Bobby snickered as he and Lewis stopped to check her out.

"I think I remember her from school," Lewis joked.

Both of them chuckled and were about to sneak off to the back to get back to work when the tall man turned to say something to his girlfriend and spotted the two boys as they started on their way.

"Bobby?" he called as the boys were about to make their escape out the door.

Both boys turned to look at him and Bobby's eyes widened in surprise. Lewis didn't recognize the man and had no idea who he was and how he knew Bobby.

"What are you doing here?" Henry Goren asked, sounding surprisingly cheerful considering the last time he spoke to his son was almost four years ago and he was lecturing him about not calling him in the middle of the night.

"I work here," Bobby said simply. He wasn't sure how he felt about seeing his father after all this time. The last he had heard his father had refused to take Bobby in when a social worker found him after his mother had been institutionalized by begging poverty. He certainly didn't look poor now. But then Henry Goren's life had been filled with ups and downs depending on his luck with the horses so he could have been telling the truth at the time.

"My, goodness, boy, you've outgrown your old dad!" Henry declared, managing to sound as if he were proud. Bobby had grown to 6'4", which put him two inches over his father. Henry motioned Bobby over, "Come over here, son."

Lewis' eyes almost popped out of his head. He was surprised to see Bobby's father for the first time ever. Bobby never spoke much of his father except to say he and his father didn't get along and his father refused to take care of him.

After a moment's hesitation, Bobby slowly walked over to where Henry and his girlfriend now stood.

"Tina, this is my son, Bobby," Henry said as he put his arm around Bobby's shoulders and grinned at him.

Tina smiled, "Nice to meet you." She looked Bobby over and nodded with approval, "Seems good looks runs in the family."

Henry laughed, "That's my boy! You're even taller than your big brother now."

Bobby managed a small smile and stared at his shoes. He knew exactly what his father was doing. The 'old Goren charm' as his mother had called it. He was pouring it on thick now. Bobby wasn't sure if it was for his sake or for his girlfriend's sake. Probably more for the latter than the former.

"Have you had lunch?" Henry asked.

"Ah...yea...just finished. I...I have to get back to work," Bobby said as he glanced over his shoulder at Lewis who was still standing in the doorway to the back room with his mouth agape and his eyes open wide in surprise.

"Well tell you what, how about I come back and pick you up after work and take you to get some dinner?" Henry asked. "We can catch up."

"Um...I don't know...I..." Bobby began, feeling incredibly awkward and reluctant to spend any time with the man he had convinced himself didn't deserve a second thought.

"Oh come on, Tina's got to work tonight so it'll just be you and me," Henry insisted, still standing there with his arm around Bobby's shoulders. "He's kind of shy," Henry said to Tina as an explanation.

_That's not the reason I don't want to have dinner with you, you stupid son-of-a-bitch. _Bobby shrugged, "It's...it's just that I'm...I'm expected at home tonight...I don't..."

"Home? Your mother's out of the hospital?" Henry asked.

_NO! You stupid asshole. _ Bobby shook his head, "I'm staying with...with my friend...Lewis...and his...his family." Bobby tilted his head in Lewis' direction.

Turning to look at Lewis who had finally closed his mouth, Henry smiled, "Hi Lewis, nice to meet you!" Henry walked over to Lewis and shook his hand heartily.

"Nice to meet you too, sir," Lewis said as he glanced over at Bobby who looked absolutely miserable.

"Your mom wouldn't mind if Bobby joined me for dinner tonight, would she?" Henry smiled and Lewis found himself smiling back despite his doubts about Bobby's long-absent father.

"I...well, I don't see why not..." Lewis' voice trailed off as Bobby looked at him despairingly.

Henry smiled, "Well, good." He turned back to Bobby and went over and patted him on the back, "I'll see you around...when do you get off work?"

"Five," Bobby said quietly.

"At five then." Henry gave Bobby a hug, "Good to see you, son. I'll be back at five."

Mandy had come over with the bill and the keys to the Chevy at this point. Henry smiled at her, paid his bill and took the keys. Slipping an arm around Tina's waist, he waved at Bobby and Lewis and led Tina to the Chevy, opened the door for her, went around at waved at Bobby once more before getting in and driving off.

As soon as the car disappeared down the street, Lewis ran up to Bobby. "You all right, man?"

Bobby shrugged, "I don't know."

"Your dad looks like he's...doing well."

"For now, I guess," Bobby said as he started heading back to work.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I wasn't helping you out there...with your dad and dinner and all," Lewis apologized.

"It's okay, what else could you say? It's...it's not like my not being...being there for dinner is going to be a catastrophe."

"Yea but you obviously don't want to go."

Bobby sighed, "I don't know what I want. Sometimes I just hate him and others I keep thinking maybe...maybe now...I don't know why I care."

"Because he's your dad," Lewis said simply.

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At five o'clock, Bobby and Lewis stood out in front of the garage as Max closed up the shop, lowering the door and waving to the two boys.

"Mom said she'd cook a pork chop for you, just in case," Lewis said hating to leave his friend standing there alone. One of the few things Bobby had told him was that his father was always failing to show up for everything. He hated the idea of leaving Bobby there to wait for his father who might not show up at all.

Bobby managed a small smile and nodded at Lewis, "Tell her thanks. I really would rather...I wish I were heading home with you."

"You could just blow him off like...well, you know," Lewis suggested.

"No, I'm NOT like him. I will never be like him," Bobby said decisively.

Lewis nodded, "Yea, I understand that." He looked at his watch and noticed it was five minutes after five and started feeling nervous on his friend's behalf.

"You should get going so you can get home in time for dinner. No telling how late my old man might be," Bobby said, not feeling like having Lewis around in case his father didn't show up - again.

Looking at his friend, Lewis could see he was 'retreating into himself' as his mother once said when Bobby had come back from a visit to his mother. "All right, I'll see you later," he said as he took his leave, glancing over his shoulder from time to time until he reached the end of the street and turned the corner.

Leaning back against the wall of the garage, Bobby sighed. He had little hope of his father actually showing up. _Why am I doing this to myself? He's not coming. He was just trying to impress his girlfriend. _ Max drove by and waved to Bobby as he headed home. Hal and Mandy drove by shortly after, followed by a couple of other mechanics. Bobby checked his watch and saw it was almost five thirty. He sighed again and was about to head to the subway when the '57 Chevy drove up.

"Come on, son, I think a steak dinner is called for tonight," Henry smiled as Bobby opened the door and got in. "You clean up good, kid," Henry laughed as he looked his son over.

Bobby always kept an extra set of clothes in his locker in case he needed to go somewhere after work. Mostly it was because he once had to pick up Stacy Palumbo for a date after work and didn't have time to go home to change. Ever since then, he made sure he had a change of clothing. Unfortunately, while he didn't want to waste it on his father, he found himself still caring about what his father thought.

On the drive to the restaurant, Bobby discovered his father had indeed won a large amount of money betting at the track. He also learned that his father had last seen his brother Frank six months ago when Frank had tried to hit him up for money. Throughout the entire ride, Bobby didn't say much except yes or no and he nodded a lot. He also learned Tina was 22 years old and was a stripper at a club his father frequented. _Great, he's a cradle robber, too on top of everything else._

Once they arrived at the restaurant, an upscale, fine dining establishment, Bobby's father finally stopped talking and finally showed some interest in Bobby and what he was doing.

"So, son, you're gonna be graduating next year, right?" Henry said as he took a sip of his scotch.

_You're still a jackass. _Bobby shook his head, "No, I just graduated this past May."

"Wow, time flies," Henry replied, not noticing the sadness in Bobby's voice. "So what are you planning to do? You were always such a bookish kid, I figured you'd go to college or something."

"I'm working...to earn the money to pay for it," Bobby replied, staring his silverware.

"Good for you! Making your own way, builds character."

_I've no choice but to make my own way, no thanks to you. _Looking over at his father, Bobby wondered how he had ever held him up on a pedestal and he wondered now what he was hoping to gain from wasting any more time with him. Obviously Henry Goren hadn't changed much in the last few years. He had a little more gray in his hair and a few more lines on his face but other than that, he seemed to be operating as he always had.

"So, what are you gonna study in school?" Henry asked.

Bobby shrugged, "I don't know. College...it's...it's just something to do."

Henry chuckled, "You'd think the way you always had your nose stuck in a book you'd be chomping at the bit to get to college. Sounds like you're a bit lukewarm over the idea."

"Just...just because I like to...learn doesn't mean I...I'm good at the whole school thing," Bobby muttered.

"Ah, yes! I remember your teachers saying you were a little too...what was it? Well, whatever it was, I remember thinking you just asked too many questions," Henry grinned as he took another sip of his scotch, which was making him feel better by the minute.

_Apparently not enough to figure out you're a complete jerk. _Bobby started playing with his silverware and wishing their food would get there soon so they could eat and he could go. The more his father spoke, the more depressed Bobby became.

"Why so quiet, son? You used to talk a blue streak after we hadn't seen each other for a while," Henry said, not picking up on Bobby's mood at all.

Bobby looked up at Henry, "I don't have much to say to you."

Henry nodded, "Yea, well, I suppose I haven't been such a great, dad, have I?"

It took all the courage Bobby had in him to continue looking his father in the eye as he gave him his reply, "No, you...you haven't been a dad...at all."

Henry blinked in surprise. He looked at Bobby and seemed to actually see him for the first time. After a few moments he shrugged, "You did all right without me."

_That's it? That's all you've got? No apologies, no bullshit 'I'm going to make it up to you,' speeches? _Bobby realized that his father had changed after all. He no longer was trying to lie to Bobby about his intentions.

Suddenly, Bobby felt a knot in his stomach and the thought of eating made him sick. Looking at his father for what he hoped was the last time, Bobby stood up just as the waiter returned with their steaks.

"What are you doing?" Henry asked as the waiter placed their plates on the table.

"I'm not hungry. And considering I've...I've done so...so well without you so far, I think...I can probably keep doing well without...without you," Bobby said as he turned to leave.

"Oh come on, Bobby, it's been four years! Let's just let it go," Henry urged as he reached out to grab Bobby's arm.

Bobby angrily pulled his arm away, "Don't...don't ever touch me again! And I...I am letting it go. Goodbye, Dad."

Henry Goren watched as his son walked away. He toyed with the idea of running after him but decided he just didn't want to deal with it. If Bobby was going to keep that chip on his shoulder then let him. It wasn't his fault Frances drove him away. Henry had spent his entire life making excuses for himself and now was not an exception. In his mind, Henry figured Bobby would come around when he grew up and realized Henry wasn't the bad guy.

As he walked to the subway station, Bobby fought back the tears that were threatening. _No, I'm never crying over him again. NEVER!_

By the time Bobby returned to the Denning household, he had his emotions well under control. He lied and told them dinner with his father had been fine. They all suspected he was lying but no one wanted to push him about it.

A week later, Bobby's brother Frank showed up at the garage. Apparently he had learned from their father that Bobby was working there. Despite having vowed never to speak to Bobby again, Frank was there looking for a handout. Apparently his luck hadn't been as good as their father's.

Despite having vowed to never speak to Frank again, Bobby did. He gave him two-hundred dollars, the same amount of money Frank had left for him and their mother when he abandoned them three, almost four years ago.

A week and a half after that on Bobby's eighteenth birthday, his father showed up with a present. Bobby had no idea what it was because he threw it in the trash after Henry had left.

Bobby had signed up for a couple of classes at the local community college, which started a few days after his birthday. When he arrived at work in the afternoon, he discovered Frank had returned earlier in the day looking for another handout saying he'd be back this afternoon to see Bobby. When Frank returned, Bobby pled poverty. He had paid for his classes already while he still had some money saved up, he wasn't about to give it to Frank. He used it to help buy things at the Denning household. Lewis' parents refused to take Bobby's money for rent so he bought groceries and tried to contribute what he could. He didn't want Frank bleeding him dry.

He and Frank argued and once again, Frank left cursing Bobby and swearing he'd never have anything to do with him again, reminding Bobby he was an ingrate after all Frank had done for him. Bobby didn't give in but after he watched Frank walk away, he felt guilty.

The next day, Bobby asked Mandy if he could get his father's number from the bill she had written out for him. Apparently it was Tina's number but she happily gave Bobby his father's home phone number, even telling him where Henry lived and when he would be home.

After work that night, Bobby told Lewis he was going to see his dad and headed out, leaving Lewis more than a little concerned as he watched Bobby walk off in the opposite direction of home. Bobby wasn't sure why he felt a need to do what he was doing but his concern for his brother remained no matter what he might have actually said to him.

Henry Goren was living in a modest, one bedroom apartment. He had just returned home from work and was about to call Tina about meeting her after work when there was a knock at his door. Having run out of luck this week, Henry stopped to consider who he might owe money to and if he perhaps shouldn't just pretend he wasn't home. However, the visitor kept knocking and Henry figured whoever it was must have seen him arrive.

With a sigh, he went over to the door and looked out the peephole to see his son, standing sullenly in the hallway with his hands in his jacket pockets, looking nervous. _Hmm...Bobby's not the one who usually tries to hit me up for money so it can't be that...aw, shit, this can't be good. Bobby never comes to see me and after that last time...crap. The boy still makes me nervous. _Taking a deep breath, Henry opened the door and put on his best smile, "Hey, Bobby! Come on in! What brings you out to see the old man?"

"I need to...Frank, I need to find Frank and I...I thought you might know how...how to find him," Bobby stammered, looking down at his feet without making a move into the apartment.

"Frank? What the hell do you want to find Frank for?" Henry asked feeling rather taken aback that Bobby would care to find Frank at all. From what he had learned from his eldest son, Bobby had refused to help in one of Frank's scams and they had both vowed that they were done with the other.

"I just need to...to find him. Do you know where...where he might be?" Bobby asked, still not looking his father in the face.

"Son, if I were you I'd stay away from Frank for a while. He's in need of money and he'll just hit you up for some. He's been here already," Henry warned. "From what my connections tell me, Frank is in debt to some not so nice folks and you don't want to get caught up in that."

"You...you didn't help him?" Bobby asked, wondering why he was surprised. He should have known better after all these years and while he consciously realized this, in his heart he still held out some hope.

Henry shook his head, "Of course not, he's in trouble for about five-thousand dollars! I don't have that kind of money and if I did I still wouldn't help him."

"I just need to...to find him," Bobby insisted. "Do you know where he is?"

"No, I don't. I don't want to have anything to do with him and his trouble. He needs to grow up and deal with his own problems. I don't need the kind of trouble he's gotten himself into," Henry replied. He looked at Bobby suspiciously, "You're not in the same trouble are you? He didn't drag you into this did he?"

"No! I just want to...to find him to...do you have any idea where I can look for him?" Bobby asked, feeling incredibly guilty and terribly worried about his brother. He didn't have $5,000 but he did have a couple of thousand saved up from work and he could give him some of that.

"Son, you're planning on giving him money, aren't you?" Henry asked, amazed at his youngest son's naivety.

"It's...none of your...your business!" Bobby spat out, frustrated and worried that Frank would be getting hurt.

"Bobby, you can't keep bailing him out or he'll just continue to..." Henry began.

"He'll continue to be a loser low life like...like you?" Bobby was angry and frustrated. _You loser asshole! Your son is in trouble and you don't even care! _

Henry's eyes darkened, "I'm your father, damn it! I will not be spoken to like that! You need to show some respect..."

"When you earn it, I'll show it!" Bobby yelled and turned to leave.

"You're just like your fucking crazy mother, you know that? If you keep this kind of shit up you'll end up just like her!" Henry yelled.

"It's better than being like...like you!" Bobby yelled back over his shoulder as he ran down the stairs.

Once he reached the street, his anger turned to despair as he worried over how to find Frank. He should have known his father wouldn't know anything about where Frank could be found. _Why didn't I just give him some money? Because my loser dad is right. _ Bobby sighed, lit up a cigarette and made his way to the nearest subway station to head home.

Bobby couldn't keep living like this. As much as he wanted to be there for his family, they were never going to be there for him. His heart kept breaking a little piece at a time and there was nothing he could do to stop it. His father kept popping in and out of his life almost by coincidence and certainly not on purpose. Frank only wanted to see him when he needed money or help running a scam. His mother...his mother seemed to only want to see Frank.

By the time he returned to Lewis' house, Bobby was thoroughly depressed. This was unacceptable. He couldn't even enjoy the fact that he now had a family to stay with who seemed to embrace him and welcome him as one of their own. _Because I know I'm not really one of them. _

He spent a sleepless night, contemplating his life. The next day he didn't have any classes so he headed straight to work. As he made his way to work, he passed the local Army Recruiting office located down the street from Hal's garage. He and Lewis passed by this place every time they went to work and again when they headed home. Neither of them had even given it more than a thought before.

Today, Bobby looked at it and stopped in his tracks. _Join the Army? Me? Mr. 'Problem With Authority' me?_ But he was desperate. Desperate to escape his life. His dreams were filled with his father's voice mocking him, Frank's voice accusing him of being an ingrate and his mother's voice asking for Frank and blaming Bobby for her being in the hospital. _After all the crap I've gone through in my life bootcamp will seem like summer camp!_

He continued on to work but later that afternoon during his lunch break, he took a walk down to the Army Recruitment office and went in just to talk and get some information. An hour later, he returned to Hal's and informed him that he had enlisted and he was giving his two week notice. Hal was surprised and sorry to see Bobby go but said he was proud of him.

The Dennings were also surprised but they also were supportive. Lewis was downright upset. He had enjoyed having Bobby around and felt betrayed.

That night, after dinner, Lewis went out to sit on the back porch and pout. He hadn't spoken much at dinner after Bobby's announcement and Bobby knew Lewis was upset.

Checking to make sure Lewis' parents weren't able to see them, Bobby took out his cigarettes and offered one to Lewis. Lewis shook his head and refused to look at Bobby.

Bobby took a cigarette and lit it up, blowing the smoke at Lewis, "You know you want one. You're always complaining how unfair it is that you can't smoke in your own house but I can."

Folding his arms in front of him, Lewis stared out at the street. "Why are you running away from us, Bobby? I thought you were happy?"

"I'm happy to be living here and I'm happy that your family has been there for me, Lewis. I've never had that kind of security before in my entire life. But...it's not you and your parents I'm running away from. It's...it's the mess that's my family." Bobby sat next to his friend and playfully punched his arm. "I just have to...get away for a while. Everytime Frank or my father shows up...it's like...like I'm back to being a scared little kid and I don't want that any more."

"What about your mom?" Lewis asked, knowing it was a sore spot for Bobby but not caring. Lewis was feeling a little betrayed by his friend.

Bobby shrugged, "I don't know what the difference will be for her. She doesn't appreciate my presence at all. She...she just keeps asking for Frank." Despite his outward non-chalance at this disclosure, Bobby had to fight with every fiber in his body to not shed any tears.

Hearing the sadness in his friend's voice, Lewis realized that Bobby's decision had not been one made easily. Desperation, perhaps, but not without considering all his options.

"Hey, so how about that cigarette?" Lewis asked looking into the house to see if either of his parents were in sight.

Bobby smiled sadly as he handed Lewis a cigarette and his lighter. "I'll be back, Lewis. I can't stay away forever...just...just until...until I can get some perspective."

"How long is that gonna be?" Lewis asked, taking a drag off his cigarette.

Bobby shrugged, "I don't know. But...I'm not like them, Lewis. I don't...don't make promises I have no intention of keeping."

Looking at Bobby, Lewis sighed, "Yea, I know, Bobby. And you better write."

Bobby smiled, "All the time."

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Bobby spent the time he had before he had to report to boot camp visiting his mother, making arrangements for her and hanging out with Lewis. In the back of his mind he wondered about Frank and what might have happened to him but after exhausting all his resources, he couldn't find his brother anywhere. He left some money with the Dennings in case somehow Frank managed to contact them if he was looking for Bobby.

After he had everything settled, Bobby Goren found himself on a plane, heading off to the unknown. All he knew was that he couldn't stay at home and stay sane. He did note how ironic it was that after a lifetime of wanting to be with his family, he was now fleeing from them in order to survive. He worried about Frank and he worried about his mother and despite everything he occasionally found himself worrying about his father. There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to move on and Bobby Goren's time was now.

End Chapter 5


	6. Another Door Closes

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns everything, I own nothing.**

_A/N: Finally got this one done. Only one chapter more to go before we get Bobby all caught up to Major Case. Thanks to untapdtreasure81 for playing editor and for the feedback. This one should be a lot easier to read. :-) _

**Another Door Closes**

Bobby Goren was enjoying the crisp, cool fall air as he walked down the streets of New York City. It was his first week at Narcotics and he had already been given a great assignment. He loved being home in New York. The Army had allowed him to travel the world, get a college education and discover his true calling. Funny how things worked out. Mr. 'Problem With Authority Figures' actually thrived in the Army and discovered he enjoyed police work.

Leaving New York when he did was a good thing. It got him away from his family and helped him gain the perspective he was desperately in need of as a young man who was too caught up in the turmoil that was his family. He had pretty much been abandoned by his father and brother and to some extent even by his mother, though in her case it wasn't purposeful. In fact he found it ironic that despite his eventual return to New York and his regular visits and phone calls, she accused him of abandoning her when he had entered the Army.

So, while his relationship with his family was still strained, Bobby had learned to control his emotions - at least outwardly - when dealing with them. He never expected them to help him in any way. He never expected they would suddenly change and become the loving father, brother or mother. He had learned to become very self-sufficient and he had learned that putting some distance between himself and them was most advantageous for him.

Even though he was still close to his mother, he found a facility for her that was located almost two hours away so she couldn't expect him to be at her beck and call 24/7. That was a sore point with her, but he refused to let her guilt him into changing the situation. He called her every night and visited her once a week. He had learned to ignore the barbs she threw at him about how Frank would never have done this to her. _No, he wouldn't do this. He just ignores you completely and couldn't care less if you were living on the street._ But he would never say that to her. Never.

His father had remained out of his life since the day Bobby left his apartment telling him he'd rather be crazy like his mother than a loser, liar like his father. He occasionally heard from various sources of his activities, but pretty much he remained out of Bobby's life and Bobby made no attempt to contact him.

His older brother Frank still stayed in contact from time to time. He would somehow manage to pop into Bobby's life through their mother. The only time Frank ever came calling was when he needed money to get out of a jam. He wasn't thrilled to discover Bobby was a policeman, either. However, not even that could keep Frank from showing up for hand outs.

Bobby did reconnect with his high school friend Lewis and his family. They were all happy to see Bobby. Even if his own family didn't take pride in what Bobby had done with his life, Lewis' family did. The Dennings even held a party for his homecoming when he returned from the Army. Bobby was grateful to them for everything they had done for him and he never forgot their kindness. He remembered their birthdays, anniversary and on Mother's and Father's days, he always made it a point to stop by or in cases when he couldn't be there, he'd make sure a present would always be delivered.

All things considered, life was good for Bobby Goren. And on this fine fall evening, he was on his way to meet Lewis at his garage after hours. Lewis had realized his dream of owning his own garage and specialized in classic cars. When his uncle Hal retired a couple of years ago, he sent all of his business to Lewis so business for regular cars was booming as well. Recently, Lewis had acquired a 1968 Chevy Camaro and was anxious to show it off to Bobby and to have him help work on it.

Arriving at Lewis' garage, Bobby was surprised to see that Lewis hadn't closed the bay doors out front yet. As he entered the garage, he saw Lewis in the office talking to someone. Lewis was seated on his desk and a dark haired man dressed in a familiar looking denim jacket and black jeans from what Bobby could see. His stomach knotted up. _It couldn't be...how would he know I'd be here tonight?_

Neither Lewis nor his visitor had noticed Bobby as of yet. For a second Bobby considered hiding somewhere but before he could even decide on what course of action to take, Lewis' guest turned in his chair and looked out at the garage where Bobby was standing. _Frank. _Bobby sighed as he slowly continued to approach the office.

True to form, Frank was smiling that 'Goren charm' of a smile that Bobby had learned to really dislike, even though from time to time he found himself using it as well. The difference being that Bobby generally used his charm to disarm perps or perhaps to convince a lovely young woman to have dinner with him while his father and brother usually used it to either get themselves out of trouble or to scam someone.

Standing to greet him, Frank smiled, "Hey, baby brother."

Bobby's smile was less enthusiastic, "Hey Frank. How'd you know where to find me tonight?"

"I didn't really. I just stopped by to ask Lewis if he knew where you might be. Seems like my luck is good tonight," Frank grinned.

_And mine apparently sucks._ Bobby looked over at Lewis who mouthed, "I didn't tell him you were coming," behind Frank's back. Bobby smiled at his friend and nodded.

"So what are you two up to tonight?" Frank asked amiably.

"Not much," Bobby replied before Lewis could say anything. "What did you want, Frank?"

Frank sighed, "You always assume the worst of me, Bobby."

"Prove me wrong, Frank," Bobby countered as he folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the office door frame.

"Okay, so I'm kind of in a jam and..." Frank began.

"How much, Frank?"

Frank hesitated. He stuck his hands in his jacket pockets and stared at the black and white tile pattern on the floor as if it were the most interesting thing in the world, "Um, it's not a lot...or anything. I mean...I don't owe anyone money...I just need rent money...that's all. I got a job and...it's just part of the rent. I'm short about three-hundred fifty."

"Fine," Bobby said taking out his checkbook. "Who do I make it out to?"

Lewis frowned at Bobby who motioned for him to be quiet. Bobby had told Lewis he wasn't going to enable Frank's gambling any more and Lewis assumed it meant he wasn't going to give him any more money. Having had to deal with Frank more times than he wanted to in the past, Lewis was not too fond of him. The only time Frank ever showed up was to find Bobby so he could get money from him. Lewis was beginning to understand Bobby's anxiety over seeing his brother.

Frank blinked in surprise. "Uh...well, to me, I mean..."

Bobby shook his head, "Nope, not to you, Frank. If it's for rent, then I'll pay your landlord. You don't get to cash this and then go try your luck at the track or a casino."

"That's not fair! I just..." Frank began indignantly.

"You're in no position to be playing the 'I took care of you card.' I've more than made up for that since we've been adults Frank and you know it." Bobby got a pen off of Lewis' desk and got ready to write out a check. "Now, who is your landlord, Frank?"

"Fine, so I don't owe rent," Frank finally admitted, glaring at Bobby, completely unashamed of being caught in an outright lie. "I'm just broke and I could use some money to get me to payday, all right? I'm tired of eating peanut butter sandwiches." He looked pointedly at Bobby, "You remember those days, right?"

With a sigh, Bobby put his checkbook away and handed Lewis back his pen. "So what? With three-hundred and fifty dollars you were planning to eat a five star restaurant for two nights?" he asked his brother sarcastically. He pulled out his wallet and pulled out a twenty dollar bill and offered it to Frank. "Get yourself some burgers Frank, I _do_ remember those."

Frank snatched the twenty out of Bobby's hand, "Twenty dollars? I'm flat broke and all you can give me is twenty dollars?"

By this time, Lewis had stayed silent for as long as humanly possible. He came around his desk and got right into Frank's face. "Listen you leach, that's way more than you deserve! Bobby has more than made up for anything you did for him! You keep playing that 'I took care of you card' so maybe he should play the 'you abandoned me' card with you and you can..."

"This is between me and my brother!" Frank yelled back, pushing Lewis away from him. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

At this point, Bobby placed himself between Frank and Lewis and put a hand on Lewis' shoulder, "It's not worth getting this upset over it, Lewis. Trust me, I know."

Lewis took a deep breath and stepped back, "I know, it's just...it's so frustrating to see him try and take advantage of you again and again."

"You know what? Fuck you both. I don't need this shit!" Frank yelled as he pushed past Bobby and Lewis and headed out of the office.

"Hey! Don't let the door hit you in the ass!" Lewis yelled after him. "Oh, and if you're really interested in making that indignation look real you'd give Bobby back his twenty bucks!"

Bobby laughed as Frank disappeared out of the shop into the street. "I think of all the things that were said tonight, that's the one that's going to piss him off the most." He grinned at Lewis.

"Man, I don't know how you put up with that bull from him every time!" Lewis exclaimed, still angry at Frank.

Bobby shrugged, "I guess after all these years I just don't expect much from Frank. Sometimes I wish he'd just be like our father and just leave me alone completely."

Lewis nodded, "Yea, I guess I understand that. Sorry I lost my temper."

"No need to apologize. You're more of a brother to me than Frank has been since he turned 18," Bobby said as he put his arm around Lewis' shoulder.

Lewis grinned, "Well then big brother, there's a Camaro out there we need to see to."

Bobby smiled, "Have I told you how happy I am you never took my advice to go to college?"

They both laughed as they headed out to the garage. Bobby helped Lewis close up to make sure Frank couldn't come back again later while they were working on the Camaro. By the end of the evening, both men had forgotten all about Frank Goren, who was still out and about in need of money.

cicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicicici

A month later, Bobby found himself immersed in a case and was unable to see his mother for two weeks in a row. He knew that she would be upset but there was nothing he could do about it. So, when he finally had some free time, he bought her some roses and a box of her favorite Godiva chocolates and headed to Carmel Ridge.

Bobby hadn't thought about his brother at all in the past month. Part of him was relieved that he could do that and another part of him worried that he was perhaps turning into his father and brother. Both of them seemed to have no problems not thinking about Bobby or his mother.

He arrived at Carmel Ridge just after lunch time and found her seated on the sofa reading the paper.

"Hi, Mom, brought you some of your favorite things." Bobby smiled as he sat next to Frances and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

She continued reading the paper and didn't bother to even look at him. "So you think you can make it up to me by buying me things instead of actually spending time with me?"

Bobby sighed, "Mom, I told you I've been working a case and..."

Frances put her hand up, "And you're too busy to visit your mother. I know, I've heard it before, too many times. You might as well have stayed in the Army if you're going to just not bother to see me any more." She continued to read the newspaper.

Knowing it was a lost cause to plead his case, Bobby just stood up and walked over to the nightstand by her bed. He placed the box of chocolates on it and opened a drawer to find a vase he had bought her a couple of years ago. He took it and the roses into the bathroom and filled the vase with water and returned to the room where his mother was still ignoring him.

Placing the vase on the chest of drawers by the door, Bobby took out his pocket knife and cut the ends of the stems off the roses and placed the roses in the vase, arranging them nicely. He took the paper they were wrapped in and the ends of the stems and tossed them in the trash and put his knife away.

"So do you mind if I have one of the chocolates if you don't want them?" Bobby finally asked as he grabbed the box of chocolates off the nightstand.

"I never said I didn't want them," Frances said curtly.

Opening the box, Bobby selected a truffle and popped it in his mouth, "I thought you were implying you didn't want the stuff I bought for you?"

Frances removed her glasses and tossed the newspaper aside to glare at her son. "I said you can't buy my forgiveness by buying things for me. I never said I didn't want them. Give it here." She held out her hand.

Bobby chuckled as he handed her the box. "I'll come see you again this weekend to make up for it, all right?" he asked as he sat next to her once again.

"You get two days off a week?" Frances asked with mock surprise.

"Not right now actually. I'm not really off today either but we're waiting on things so my captain let me have the afternoon free. I'm also supposed to get Sunday off," Bobby explained.

"Ah, the old 'supposed to' again," Frances sighed. She opened the box of chocolates and selected one. "So, I suppose you've been too busy to meet any girls?"

Bobby shrugged, "It's tough when you don't have any time off to do things like that, Mom." _But I did meet a very nice woman named Margot last week at a bookstore who gave me her phone number..._ As a rule of thumb Bobby didn't like to tell his mother about his girlfriends or potential girlfriends and Margot was definitely someone he hoped would be a girlfriend.

"Well, Frank called me this week," Frances informed bobby as she bit into the chocolate piece she selected. "He said you refused to help him."

"Mom, you don't understand," Bobby began, even when he knew it would be futile trying to explain Frank's circumstances to her. Frank always had a good story and no matter how many times he disappointed her, he could do no wrong in her eyes. "Frank is..."

"Frank is your brother, Bobby. After all he's done for you, you shouldn't just shut him out. He's having a rough time," Frances insisted.

"I didn't shut him out!" Bobby stopped and took a deep breath, reminding himself that his mother would never hear anything negative about Frank.

Before Frances could reply, Frank walked in, dressed in a blue sport jacket, crisp white shirt and navy blue pants. His hair was cut short and neat and for a second Bobby didn't recognize him. Apparently Frank had managed to get himself cleaned up in the past month.

"Frank!" Frances exclaimed as she rose up and gave him a hug. "Let me look at you!" She held on to his arms as she looked him over. "You look wonderful." She turned to Bobby, "Doesn't Frank look just wonderful?"

Bobby managed a smile, "Yea, real smooth Frank."

The undertone and the 'smooth' comment didn't go unnoticed by Frank who smirked at his brother. "You're looking a little shaggy there, Bobby."

Bobby had been growing out his hair a bit since he was about to go undercover in a couple of weeks for the sting operation they were setting up. He also hadn't shaved - not that he did that regularly anyway. He was dressed in one of his tailored suits, the dark blue one that his mother said he looked best in.

"Work related, Frank," Bobby replied curtly. "So, what need brought you here today?"

"Stop it, Bobby," Frances scolded as she sat back down and patted the seat on the other side of her. "Sit, Frank, it's such a treat to have my two boys here with me at the same time!"

"You look good, Mom. They must be treating you right here," Frank smiled.

Frances shrugged, "As well as can be expected, but it's all right now because you're here." She beamed at Frank and gave him another hug.

Bobby felt like he could just disappear and neither of them would notice. For the next hour, Frances and Frank chatted while Bobby nodded and threw in the occasional mono-syllabic reply. _Great, I come to see her so much more regularly than Frank does and I talk to her practically every day but when Frank does show up it's like the second coming of Christ._

If there was one thing Frank did well, it was lay on the charm for his mother. He knew exactly what she wanted to hear and just like their father, he laid it on thick. She bought all his excuses and even helped him make some up by telling him how she was glad to see him because she knew he must be so busy working at the research lab.

_Right, if he does work at a lab he's just the janitor or the experiment._ Bobby tried not to be bitter and most of the time he managed just fine but sometimes it did get to be a bit much to ignore. He just knew how much it upset his mother and threw her off balance when she was argued with too much or when he and Frank got into an argument. So he sat in silence, watching Frank work that 'Goren charm' on their mother. _At least she's happy right at the moment._

"...so what do you think, Bobby?" Frances asked, bringing Bobby out of his own thoughts.

Bobby blinked, "Ah...sorry, I was thinking...I, um...I..."

"See, he does this all the time," Frances told Frank. "It's like his mind is at work even when he's supposed to be here visiting me."

"You know that's just how Bobby is," Frank said, smirking at Bobby. "He's always retreating inside his head."

"So, then perhaps you can catch me up to what you're talking about?" Bobby asked, glaring at Frank.

"It's not a big deal, Bobby. I was just telling Mom about my latest investment," Frank replied, still meeting his brother's gaze with no shame what-so-ever.

"Investment?" Bobby said suspiciously. "And what would that be Frank?"

Before Frank could reply, a nurse entered informing them that it was time for Frances to take her meds.

"Why don't we go grab some coffee or something in the cafeteria?" Frank suggested.

"It's all right. It's just her medications. We don't have to give her a check up or anything," the nurse replied.

"That's okay. I need to stretch my legs and I'm sure Mom could use something, too." Frank smiled at his mother.

"Get me a glass of iced tea," Frances replied, smiling at Frank.

"Great, come on, Bobby." Frank stood and headed out the door.

Bobby sighed as Frances started telling the nurse, "Isn't my son such a considerate boy? Always looking out for his mother."

Once they were out in the hallway out of Frances' ear shot Bobby turned to Frank, "What scam are you trying to pull now, Frank?"

"It's not a scam, Bobby. I was just trying to impress Mom," Frank grumbled.

"Gee Frank, I don't know why you have to make up stories to impress her. Apparently she set lower standards for you. All you have to do is show up." Bobby hated that his bitterness had slipped out but being in the presence of his brother and mother for the past hour had worn on his nerves.

"Come on, Bobby, you can't tell me all those times you didn't show up you really were working?" Frank retorted.

"All those times? Five times work kept me from coming to see her at least once a week all these years since I've been back home, Frank. And yes, I was actually working. I know that's a foreign concept for you..." Bobby threw out.

"Oh, excuse me, Mr. Perfect Son!" Frank yelled.

Bobby sighed, "Look, Frank, why don't we not argue for Mom's sake?"

"She's not even here, Bobby, what the hell difference does it make?" Frank pushed the elevator call button. "Besides, you're the one with the twenty questions."

"Fine, we'll just not talk. That'll make it so much less awkward," Bobby sighed as they entered the elevator.

The two brothers didn't speak at all until they returned to their mother's room. The rest of the afternoon was spent the same way the first half was spent. When five o'clock rolled around, Bobby made his excuses and headed out, leaving his brother and mother to continue their visit. Despite resenting Frank for being such an ass, Bobby had to admit he was glad that Frank's visit seemed to make their mother happy. In the back of his mind, suspicion lurked as he wondered why Frank had shown up at all and why he was staying so long. But his patience was wearing thin and he really didn't want to upset his mother by making sarcastic comments about the tall tales Frank was spinning.

Two nights later, Bobby got a phone call from Carmel Ridge that his mother was hysterical and upset and accusing staff members of stealing from her. He managed to get away from work early enough to make it there to see her.

As he entered his mother's room, she was arguing with a tall, gray haired woman who was trying to calm Frances down.

"Mrs. Casey," Bobby greeted the woman. She was the Director of Patient Services who had given Bobby the tour of the facility when he first had his mother admitted here.

Mrs. Casey smiled with relief as she saw Bobby, "Mr. Goren, I'm so sorry to have bothered you but we seem to have an incident..." she began.

"Someone stole my cameo, Bobby! The one my father gave me when I turned sixteen!" Frances informed him. "She's trying to make excuses for the staff. I know it's that new girl who started here last month." Frances glared at Mrs. Casey, "My son is police officer. A detective! He'll find out what's going on here and you'll be sorry you tried to protect her."

"Mom, let me just talk to Mrs. Casey for a second and I'll let you know what's going on, okay?" Bobby said as he took his mother's hand reassuringly. He knew the cameo she was talking about. It was ivory and 24 karat gold on a 24 karat gold chain. It had been handed down to the eldest daughter - or daughter-in-law - in his mother's family since her great-great grandmother's generation. While many things had been sold in her lifetime to get some money to make the rent or buy food, it was one of the few things she had managed to hang on to that had any value beyond the sentimental one.

"You can fix this, Bobby, I know you can. I just want my cameo back." Frances said, calming down a bit now that Bobby had arrived.

Bobby kissed his mother on the forehead and reassured her once again that everything would be all right then followed Mrs. Casey out of the room.

Once in the hallway, Mrs. Casey closed the door to Frances' room and sighed. "Again, I'm sorry to have bothered you at work, Mr. Goren, but when your mother gets like that..."

Bobby nodded, "I understand Mrs. Casey, it's all right. I just need to know what's going on about the cameo? It's come up missing?"

Mrs. Casey nodded, "I'm afraid so. That's why we encourage all patients to not leave valuables in their rooms. Not that our staff is untrustworthy. We do background checks but with visitors coming and going and all, things can happen. It hasn't been a problem until now because your mother is either always wearing the cameo or she takes it with her when she leaves her room for any reason. She didn't even trust us to keep it locked up in our safe for her."

"She wouldn't. It's a family heirloom and it's supposed to go to the eldest daughter or if there weren't any daughters to the eldest son's wife," Bobby explained.

"Oh my, I had no idea. No wonder she's so upset." Mrs. Casey shook her head sadly. "We've questioned all the staff who have had any reason to be on this floor the past few days but it seems everyone has been accounted for. All guests have been accounted for as well. None of them were new to the facility. They're family members or friends who have been coming to see their relative or friend for at the least six months."

Bobby nodded, "I think I have an idea who might have taken it, Mrs. Casey and don't worry, it wasn't a staff member or someone else's visitor." _Well Frank, now you've sunk to a new low. Not even Dad would steal from his own mother._

Mrs. Casey looked puzzled, "Who do you think it was?"

Bobby hesitated for a second. _No more, Frank. It's done._ "It was probably my brother, Frank. I can't prove it yet but he was here a couple of days ago. He spent more time with my mother that afternoon than he has since he was eighteen. I would like to have him barred from seeing my mother at least until I find out one way or another if he's the one who stole it."

"Your brother?" Mrs. Casey asked in surprise. "You have a brother? I assumed you were an only child..."

"Many people do," Bobby mumbled. "It's understandable since he hasn't been here to visit my mother until the day before yesterday. So, can you please keep him from coming up to see my mother?"

"Um...of course, I'll let the front desk and security know right away," Mrs. Casey replied. "How do you want to...well, do you want to tell your mother about your suspicions?"

Bobby shook his head, "No, I think perhaps if you give me a couple of days, I'll get this straightened out. If you don't mind, I'll tell my mother I'm investigating the matter and hopefully I will be able to get the cameo back. We can tell her it was...it was misplaced somehow."

"You think your brother will give it back?" Mrs. Casey asked, still feeling quite confused about the whole matter.

"I'm sure I'll be able to find it," Bobby replied.

He reassured Mrs. Casey that everything would be all right and told his mother that he was looking into it and would let her know as soon as possible what was going on. He also asked Frances if Frank had told her how to get in touch with him.

Apparently Frank had a phone number and an address to where he was staying at the moment. Bobby wasn't sure if it was legitimate information but was reassured when he dialed the number and found a familiar voice on the other end of the line. It was Tony Surrell, Frank's childhood pal and roommate. Bobby was surprised. He had heard Tony had straightened out his life after having been arrested once for theft and had been gainfully employed as a carpenter.

It turned out Tony was truly a productive member of society now with a wife and two kids. He was letting Frank stay at his place until he found a new one. Frank had been kicked out by his latest girlfriend a week ago and he needed a place to stay until he had enough money to start renting a place of his own. Thanks to Tony, Bobby found out where Frank was currently employed. Apparently he really was gainfully employed - for now.

So that's how it was that Bobby found himself standing outside Mercer Labs, waiting for Frank. _So you really are a janitor at a lab, eh Frank?_ Bobby hated that he was feeling superior at that particular moment and immediately squelched that emotion.

As he finished his third cigarette, the employee door opened up and out walked Frank, chatting with a fellow co-worker.

"Hey, big brother, you got a moment?" Bobby said, tapping Frank on the shoulder.

Frank blinked in surprise, "Bobby, how did you..."

"I'm a detective Frank. I do things like this. Find people," Bobby said. "I can also find thieves and stolen goods."

"Uh...I'll see you tomorrow, Frank," his companion said as he glanced at Bobby nervously.

"Yea, Pete, see ya," Frank replied.

"So you really are working at a lab, huh?" Bobby said as he put his arm around Frank's shoulders.

"I just started, Bobby. I don't need any trouble here, you know?" Frank fidgeted nervously.

"Of course not, Frank. If you just tell me which pawn shop you hocked Mom's cameo, there won't be any trouble," Bobby replied. "I'm willing to forget it ever happened if I can get it back."

Frank blinked, "I didn't..."

Bobby grabbed Frank by the shoulders and shoved him up against the wall. "Frank, I'm not asking you again! You can bullshit everyone else but you can't bullshit me! You and I both know you took it and probably hocked it. Now who did you sell it to?"

Frank swallowed nervously, "Harvey's, I sold it to Harvey's."

"Fine, for your sake I hope it's still there." Bobby let Frank go and glared at him.

"No more, Frank. This is the last time you're gonna bug me or Mom for money."

"I didn't ask Mom for money! I just..."

"YOU STOLE FROM OUR MOTHER!" Bobby shouted.

"Shhh...Bobby, please..." Frank pleaded, looking around nervously to see if anyone from work was around.

"See, that's the thing I don't understand about you, Frank. You're gainfully employed and you've got Tony helping you out and yet you had to _steal from our mother! _What are you planning to do Frank? Bet on the horses? Got a bet going on some ball game? Maybe it's a casino?"

"Look, I'm sorry, all right? I told you where the cameo is! I won't steal from Mom again."

"You're right, you won't steal from her again because I've told them at Carmel Ridge that you're not to be allowed to see her any more," Bobby informed his brother, glaring at him in anger and disappointment.

"You...you're going to keep me from seeing our Mother?" Frank asked incredulously.

"Don't act so put out, Frank. It's...it's not like you were visiting her a lot any way. And you probably know from checking out her room that she doesn't have anything you can steal," Bobby spat out angrily.

"So what, you're gonna cut me loose now? Is that it? Screw you Frank, go die in a gutter, Bobby doesn't care?" Frank asked, feeling suddenly very angry at Bobby.

Bobby took out one of his cards and put it in Frank's jacket pocket. "You...you can call me any time, Frank. Just don't expect any handouts for you to feed your gambling addiction or...or any other addiction you pick up. You can see Mom if you want but you'll have to see her with me there...to keep an eye on you. Those are the rules Frank. If...if you don't like them...that's your problem. You caused this."

"You know what? I don't need this shit. I'm done with you and Mom. I should never have tried to bother you again!" Frank took Bobby's card and tore it up in front of him. "I'm done too, little brother."

"Wow, you really are just like Dad. The spitting image in appearance and deeds," Bobby threw out angrily.

Frank's blue eyes darkened as he glared back at his brother. Wordlessly, he turned and walked away.

Bobby had to use every ounce of will power he had to not run after Frank. Even after all these years, at age 36, Bobby Goren still had a desire to hold on to his family despite all the pain they seemed to cause him. Bobby knew Frank had gone too far this time and he was afraid of how much further he would go in the future if he allowed him to continue like this. Their mother didn't have much money at all. Medicaid paid her Carmel Ridge bills and her social security money didn't pay for much since she hadn't worked much. But still, Bobby was afraid somehow Frank would try to take even that.

Later that evening Bobby found the cameo at the pawn shop in their old neighborhood and bought it back. He told his mother that it had been accidentally taken up with the bed linens and sent to the laundry. Frances declared Bobby her hero and excitedly called Frank to tell him the news but found that Frank had moved and was unavailable.

Neither of them saw Frank again for ten years when Frances Goren was on her deathbed.

**The End Chapter 6**

_Okay, read and review and I'll be working on Chapter 7 soon!_**  
**


	7. A Final Goodbye

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns everything, I own nothing.**

_A/N: Okay, this one finally gets Bobby through the last major milestone before Major Case. Thanks to The Confused One, __untapdtreasure81 and gorengal __for all their help to make this more readable. _

**A Final Goodbye**

It was one of those cold winter mornings where the skies were overcast all day, and there was the constant threat of snow. Bobby Goren was sleeping in for the first morning in a month. He stretched and rolled over onto his stomach and sighed. The only thing that would make this day perfect would have been a nice warm body to share his bed. Unfortunately, shortly after his latest undercover operation began, his girlfriend decided she needed someone a little more attentive to her needs. Really all Carrie wanted was someone who could be there consistently.

Just as he was about to fall back to sleep, the phone rang. With a groan, Bobby rolled back over and grabbed his phone off the nightstand."Goren," he said sleepily.

_"Hey Goren, it's Delaney. Sorry to bother you on your day off but someone called the office today trying to find you. Some guy named Mike Guillermo, and he's calling about your dad." _

"My dad?" Bobby asked warily. "Was it a collection agency?"

_"Uh...well, no," Delaney said a bit awkwardly. "Um...he said he's your father's landlord and..." _

"He skipped out on his rent?" Bobby said as he went over his mental checklist of reasons his father's landlord would be trying to track him down, that being on top of the list.

Bobby had only seen his father once since he returned to New York and again it was sheer coincidence when he had run into him at a restaurant a year ago. The meeting was very brief but they exchanged phone numbers and his father promised to call him. As usual, he never followed through. Bobby had left his work number with his father since he really didn't want his father calling him at home. He was sharing a place with his then girlfriend Lola and her two cats at the time. The last thing he wanted was his father calling and chatting with Lola to get any more information on Bobby than Bobby wanted to give him.

There was a moment of silence before Delaney spoke once again,_ "Bobby, your father is dead. Guillermo said he apparently had a heart attack last night. He managed to dial 911 and the paramedics showed up but it was too late...Guillermo found your name and work phone number as an emergency contact taped to his phone...I'm really sorry, Bobby."_

_Dead? He's dead. I'm his emergency contact? How pathetic..._ Bobby realized Delaney was waiting for him to speak as he heard him clear his throat on the other end of the line.

"So...did this Guillermo guy leave his number?" Bobby inquired, trying not to sound angry, because he was indeed feeling angry. _What would he have done if I left him as an emergency contact? Make excuses?_

Delaney provided the information to Bobby and expressed his condolences once again. Bobby politely thanked him and hung up the phone with his mind in turmoil. _So what now? He really expected me to be there for him? _Bobby sat up and stared at the phone. _Coffee, I need coffee, then I can call this guy. _

Pulling on a pair of gray sweat pants and a white t-shirt, Bobby headed out to his kitchen and started a pot of coffee. He found his cigarettes on the kitchen counter and lit one up. _So, he's dead. Shouldn't I feel sad? Is it natural to feel resentful and angry at a time like this? _

Rubbing the back of his neck, Bobby took a drag off his cigarette and closed his eyes. _So you're dead now. Am I supposed to feel regret? Am I supposed to cry? Or is it natural that I feel nothing but put out that I have to deal with whatever you've left behind? Emergency contact! What would you have done if you discovered you were my emergency contact, Dad? Would you have rushed right over and taken care of things or would you have just said it wasn't your problem? _

Turning to pour himself a cup of coffee, Bobby sighed. _No, I'm not going to be like you. I will live up to my responsibilities. You might have abandoned me but I won't do that no matter how justified I might be. _

After drinking half the cup and stubbing out his cigarette in a large ashtray, Bobby dialed the number Delaney gave him for Mike Guillermo.

_"Levin Properties, how can I help you?" said a rather pleasant female voice._

"Uh...I'm...I'm looking for a Mike Guillermo. My name is Robert Goren," Bobby said.

_"Sure, hold on a sec." _Bobby could hear the woman calling, _"Honey, Robert Goren is calling for you!"_

After a few moments, Mr. Guillermo greeted him. _"Mr. Goren, I'm glad I managed to find you. I'm so sorry about your father."_

_And what am I supposed to say now? Don't be, he's not worth it? _Bobby wasn't quite sure of what he should say.

_"Your father was...well, he was already dead by the time the paramedics arrived so I made a call to a local funeral parlor. He had mentioned that...well, he knew the guy who owns it so..." Mr. Guillermo explained._

"Oh, yea, sure...I mean, that's fine. I just...I...my father and I...we weren't...I have no idea what he would have wanted..." Bobby tried to explain._ Why the hell do I feel so damned guilty right now? _

_"Of course, well I have the number to the funeral parlor and I have other things here I need to go over with you, if you could come by sometime this morning..." _

"Sure, I...I can be over there...I...ah...I need the address. Like I said, my father and I...well, we...we hadn't been in touch recently." Bobby said, once again feeling like a little kid who had done something wrong.

Mr. Guillermo was most understanding and gave Bobby the address and directions on how to get there from his apartment.

After a hot shower, another cup of coffee and two more cigarettes, Bobby found himself heading over to his father's apartment on a cold, dreary winter morning. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, Bobby walked through the streets of New York City to his father's apartment which was apparently just eight blocks away. _Eight blocks...he was this close and I never even knew. Would it have mattered? He certainly never tried to call me. Should I have tried to call him? _Bobby shook his head. _No, it wouldn't have mattered. He just would have not shown up when it mattered. _

As he approached the apartment building he now knew was his father's, Bobby slowed down his pace to get his emotions under control. _No more. I will not let him make me cry ever again. It doesn't matter anymore anyway. _Taking a deep breath, Bobby pushed the Manager Call button.

After Mr. Guillermo ascertained it was Bobby, he buzzed him in and told him to head to the end of the hall on the first floor.

Mike Guillermo was a pleasant man, despite a natural expression on his face that made him look like he was scowling. He gave Bobby the name, number and contact information for the funeral parlor his father had been taken to and the key to his father's apartment. He smiled sympathetically and offered his and his wife's assistance with anything he might need.

Bobby thanked them both and made his way upstairs to his father's apartment. The minute he opened the door, his nostrils were assaulted with the smell of stale beer and cigarettes. Looking around the small apartment, Bobby immediately noted the absence of any personal pictures.

For the most part it was neat. There were piles of magazines and a few books on a small bookshelf just inside the door. An ashtray half full of cigarette butts sat on an end table next to a brown recliner. There was a matching brown leather love seat and a faux wooden coffee table with another half-full ashtray and a copy of TV Guide sitting on it. Bobby picked it up and thumbed through it, noticing most of the sports events had been highlighted. He tossed it back on the table.

Bobby moved through the living room to the kitchen. There was a half-empty bottle of Johnny Walker on the counter next to the stove. Next to the sink was the remote control for the television, which was visible from the sink. Another ash tray was conveniently sitting next to the remote as well. In the sink were a glass and a dirty plate with the remnants of what looked like Chinese take-out. _Great, he ate over the sink while he watched television. Now that was pathetic._ Glancing into the garbage can, he saw a couple of empty cartons of Chinese food, a couple of beer bottles and shards of broken glass. Guillermo told him that his wife cleaned up the kitchen. Apparently his father had his heart attack in this room. There was broken glass on the floor and he was just on the other side of the kitchen doorway when the paramedics found him lying on the floor with the phone in his hand.

_Thanks Dad, for choosing me as your emergency contact and not Frank...then again you probably figured I would be easier to find. _ Bobby sighed as he made his way down the short hall to the bedroom.

It was almost as large as the living room. There was a king sized bed which took up most of the space. A dresser stood against the wall opposite the bed. There was a wallet, a watch, another ashtray and one framed picture. It was Henry Goren when he was probably in his early twenties. He had a head full of curly, dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes and he was smiling at the camera with the old 'Goren charm.' _Right. No pictures of your family but you do have a picture of yourself._ _ Narcissistic bastard. _

Picking up Henry's wallet, Bobby discovered no pictures in there either. There were forty-two dollars in cash, a couple of credit cards, his driver's license and an emergency contact card that once again listed Bobby and his work phone number. _Guess you just wanted to get my phone number so you'd have an emergency contact, eh Dad?_

Taking a deep breath, Bobby closed his eyes. _Don't. Don't let him get to you. He's not worth it. _ Bobby was starting to feel frustrated. Why was it that even after all these years he still cared? _You did nothing for me. NOTHING! That's what you should mean to me as well._ He glared at his father's picture. _You lived eight blocks away from me and it might as well have been eight-thousand miles for all it mattered in the end. _

Suddenly Bobby felt overwhelmed standing in his father's apartment. He had to get out of there. He nearly ran to the living room and out the door, slamming it shut and locking it behind him. Taking deep breaths, he moved down the hallway and decided to go directly to the funeral parlor instead of calling them. Right now, he had to get outside and get away from those dark feelings of negativity rising inside of him. The years of sadness and longing for his father were now beginning to turn into bitterness and hatred. He hated feeling like that so he pushed those feelings and thoughts out of his mind. _If I give in to the hate I'll end up like Frank. I will not be like Frank. _

By the time he arrived at the funeral parlor, he had regained enough control to walk in and discuss the arrangements for his father's funeral. Apparently Henry had enough foresight to make some arrangements for his funeral. He was still making payments on the plan – not surprising to Bobby – but it was only $500 shy of being paid up. Bobby paid the balance and discussed the final details with the funeral director.

It finally decided to start snowing at this point. Bobby lit up a cigarette as he headed down the street towards home. He decided to deal with his father's apartment at a later time. Mr. Guillermo told him the rent was paid until the end of the month. Since it was the middle of January he figured he had two weeks to deal with his father's junk.

Bobby had no idea how to get in touch with Frank. He still had Tony Surrell's number but these days even Tony didn't hear from Frank very often. _What's the point any way? Frank wouldn't care one way or the other. _Now he wrestled with the idea of how to tell his mother.

Bobby could never figure out what his mother truly felt for his father. Sometimes she would sound bitter and angry and even vengeful. At other times she declared he was the one great love of her life. She even said all the things she did to hurt him were because he hurt her by running around with those other women. Bobby didn't understand what that meant since in his memory he couldn't remember anything his mother had done to his father that wasn't due to her schizophrenia. But then they had a history way before Bobby was born and he had no idea what his headstrong and stubborn mother might have done in the past.

All Bobby knew for sure was that his father had been totally incapable of dealing with his mother's illness. Sometimes Henry said Frances was crazy, other times he accused her of pretending to be crazy just to get back at him. Bobby figured the latter reasoning was caused by his father's not wanting to deal with the fact that Frances was truly sick. That didn't allow for Henry Goren to have a good time and that's what he seemed to be all about.

By the time Bobby arrived at home the snow was coming down heavily. He spent the evening making arrangements to take some personal time from work. He knew it wasn't a good time to take off right now but then it never seemed to be a good time. When he called his mother that evening he neglected to tell her about his father's death. He decided he should tell her in person in the next day or so.

When he finally told her she took it well at first but as Bobby told her about the funeral arrangements, her eyes welled with tears.

"I don't know why I'm crying...he was a horrible husband...I..." Frances began as Bobby pulled her into an embrace.

"You loved him," Bobby said softly.

Frances nodded and they sat there for several minutes until she finally cried herself out. Bobby left her after she fell into an exhausted sleep. It amazed him that after all his father put her through, she still mourned him.

In the next few days, Bobby took care of his father's financial affairs - not that there was much to take care of. Henry Goren had $625 in his checking account and $500 in his savings account. Bobby wasn't surprised at how little money Henry saved. He used the money to pay off a $400 balance on Henry's credit card and reimbursed himself for the money he paid for the funeral.

In his father's apartment he found nothing he wanted to keep. For a moment he considered the photo of his father and then tossed it into the garbage with just a touch of anger. A few moments later he fished it out and put it in a small cardboard box, along with some papers he might need later. He made arrangements for Goodwill to pick up all the furniture and clothes.

The funeral was larger than Bobby expected. Members of his squad showed up, along with Lewis and his parents. Even Lewis' sister and her husband came to offer their condolencesHis father's friends and associates were there, too. From these gamblers and barflies Bobby learned that his father had withdrawn a bit from them in the last couple of years. He was still the same old Henry when he was with them but he didn't show up quite as often. They all told funny stories about Henry and seemed to remember him fondly. Bobby smiled politely but inside he was fuming. He found himself feeling resentful that his father had shared so much with these people who were mostly strangers to him and hadn't shared anything but empty promises with him.

The next day Bobby cleared out the last of the items from his father's apartment. Arriving home he was surprised to hear a knock on the door before he even finished hanging up his coat. Looking through the peephole, he saw Lewis standing outside with a large bag.

Opening the door, he smiled at his friend. "Hey, what brings you here on such a crappy night?" It had been snowing and sleeting since earlier that afternoon. It was now eight o'clock and showed no sign of slowing down.

"My date canceled on me so I thought I'd come by and see what you were up to," Lewis replied as he made his way into the apartment. "I come bearing food." He held up the bag and smiled at Bobby.

Bobby chuckled. "Misery loves company, huh?"

"I'm not miserable. Unlike you, I'm quite used to being stood up, thank you." Lewis made his way to the kitchen.

Bobby grabbed the cardboard box containing his father's papers and bottle of scotch and followed his friend into the kitchen. "So what are we having?"

"Lasagna. I was meeting my supposed date at Fiorino's so I just got take out."

Tossing the box on the counter, Bobby opened it up and pulled out one of the bottles of Johnny Walker. "You provide food, I provide drink."

Lewis glanced over at the bottle and the box. "Your dad's?"

"Yea, I guess he did leave me something worthwhile after all." Bobby smirked as he grabbed some glasses out of the cabinet above the sink.

"So...you got everything all cleared out of his place?" Lewis asked.

Filling two glasses, Bobby handed one to Lewis and took a drink out of his before answering. "Yep, good old Dad didn't leave much worth keeping. Goodwill came by yesterday to take all the crap and all I had to do today was clean up the place. I left the vacuum cleaner, mop and bucket for the next tenant. All that's left of Henry Goren is in this box." Bobby slapped the lid.

Lewis glanced at the box as he grabbed some utensils from a drawer. "Guess your dad wasn't much on sentimental stuff, eh?" Lewis took out the Styrofoam take out boxes and offered one to Bobby.

"That's an understatement. The only picture he had in his whole apartment was one of himself!" Bobby laughed, but his eyes remained dark. He accepted the box from Lewis and sat at the small kitchen table across from his friend. "Your parents have more pictures of me in their home than my father had in his," he said quietly as he started to pick at his food.

"You're lucky I have a healthy ego, Bobby. They've probably got more pictures of you than of me," Lewis joked.

Bobby smiled and chuckled but once more his eyes remained dark. Lewis worried when Bobby got like this. He retreated into himself and just seemed to go through the motions of living. He always snapped out of it after a while but it seemed to be a recurring event whenever he had to deal with his family.

"On the upside of this whole thing, I'll never have to deal with him ever again." Bobby took another sip of his drink and continued to pick at his lasagna. "You'd think...it...it would make me feel better...to not have to deal with him. No more waiting to...to see if he'll...show up or call."

Lewis had no idea what to say to his friend at this point. His own family was very close and he couldn't even begin to imagine what Bobby had gone through with his family.

"Even now that he's...he's dead...I still...God, this is pathetic!" Bobby finally gave up trying to eat completely and gulped down the rest of his drink.

"Cut yourself some slack, Bobby. Your father just died and..." Lewis began.

"And I should be happy! The bastard didn't...he doesn't deserve..." Bobby rubbed his hands over his face. "He's dead. I'm done with him," Bobby said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself than actually believing it. He stood up to pour himself another drink.

"Don't you think you should take some food in with that alcohol?" Lewis asked, trying to keep his tone light.

"Sure, Mom," Bobby replied as he took another sip of his drink and sat back down at the table.

"Come on, Bobby, you don't want to..." Lewis began but thought better of it.

Bobby knew what he was about to say. "To what? Be like my father?"

Lewis shrugged and stared at his food. He worried about Bobby when he got like this. He always shut down and disappeared into his head. As close as he felt he was to Bobby, Lewis knew there was a part of his friend that would always be closed off to everyone. Lewis didn't think that was very healthy, but he didn't know how to deal with it either.

With a heavy sigh, Bobby put down his glass and nodded, "Yea, you're right. I'm sorry...I just...it still hurts."

"You don't have to apologize. Maybe it wasn't a good idea for me to show up tonight, huh?" Lewis asked.

"No, it's fine. It's not the company, my friend. It's...it's the subject." Bobby got up and went over to the sink and emptied the rest of the Johnny Walker from his glass and put the bottle away. He returned to the table and started to eat some of the lasagna. "So, got any cars I might be interested in working on at your garage?" he asked, changing the subject abruptly.

The rest of the evening was spent talking about everything except Henry Goren. The next day, Bobby put the small cardboard box in the back of his closet and out of his consciousness. He fought back the feelings of anger and resentment but he still refused to grieve for the man who abandoned him several times over. He didn't realize those feelings weren't really gone, just buried under the surface of his subconscious. Waiting.

**End Chapter 7**

_A/N: Now that we've got him past this hurdle, the chapter where he is partnered with Eames will take place in Chapter 3 of A Charmed Life as his partnership with her seemed to affect her more traumatically than it did him. She is the one who wrote the letter. Chapters will now go back and forth between both stories. _


	8. Family Matters

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns everything, I own nothing.**

_A/N: This is my take on The Faithful. Having a lot more background on Bobby since this first aired, it helps to explain why he went so far to protect Melanie Grasso and her family. Thanks again to my betas gorengal, untapedtreasure and The Confused One. _

**Family Matters**

As the door to Melanie Grasso's home closed behind them, Bobby and Alex headed to the SUV parked at the curb.

"So much for the battered spouse defense. McShale killed Donovan to keep him away from her," Alex said as they made their way down the front porch steps.

"And now we're about to do what Donovan couldn't, throw a hand grenade into her life," Bobby said, watching his partner's reaction.

"We have no choice. Carver has to put her on the stand."

"It doesn't bother you, what's gonna happen to her and her family?" Bobby asked, hoping by some miracle his by-the-book partner would just once be willing to stretch the rules.

"Kevin Donovan happens to be part of her family. She owns half of what he became. She's no innocent by-stander," Alex replied.

Bobby knew that would be her answer but it bothered him anyway. "It's worth it to you, wrecking this life just to see McShale go to prison?"

They reached the SUV and Alex looked annoyed. "Listen to you. What do you think we're doing here? Some sort of catch and release program? Two people are dead because of McShale. He's going away. You're not going to make me feel guilty about this."

Looking at her Bobby knew she would never agree to forget they ever met Melanie Grasso. He decided to reach for a compromise. "Two days," he said. "As a favor...hold off telling Carver about Melanie Grasso."

From the opposite side of the SUV, Alex looked at him dubiously. She opened the driver's side door and climbed in wordlessly.

With a sigh Bobby squeezed himself into the passenger seat and looked over at Alex. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I just want you to try and see another side of it."

"Why is this so important to you, Bobby?" Alex asked as she turned in her seat to face him.

Staring at Melanie Grasso's house, Bobby wasn't sure how to put his thoughts and feelings into words. After a few moments, he looked at Alex. He could see the concern in her eyes and he knew she was honestly trying to understand.

"It's family, Eames. Happy, healthy families are important. It's not just Melanie Grasso's life at stake here. There's her husband and her children. Something like this...it could...it could ruin all their lives. Those children...they don't deserve to lose everything because of a mistake their mother made years ago." Bobby said.

Alex was looking at him the way she always did when she was trying to figure him out. Bobby could practically hear the questions running through her mind.

"What are you planning to do in those two days?" she finally said.

Bobby shook his head, "It's best if I don't tell you."

"Are you going to start leaving me in the dust again, Goren?" Alex bristled.

"No! No, not at all. It's...it's for your protection, Eames," Bobby said quickly, hoping to prevent her from getting any angrier. He was getting so much better at keeping her informed and he rarely ran off without her any more. When he did, he apologized immediately. As long as she knew he was trying, she seemed to be more than willing to continue working with him. If it weren't for Alex, Bobby knew his time at Major Case might have been limited. While he enjoyed working in Narcotics, Major Case is where he wanted to be. Although Captain Deakins didn't say so, Bobby knew if things didn't work out with Alex there was a good chance he would be sent back to Narcotics.

Alex's expression softened. She shook her head and sighed. "You're willing to risk your career over this? Because you know if Carver catches you, he's going to do everything he can to take your badge."

"It won't come to that," Bobby said, though he wasn't quite convinced himself. "I just don't want you to be involved in case Carver gets vengeful...even if everything works out right." He looked away from her and stared out the passenger window to the street. His thoughts were on Melanie Grasso's children and what would become of them if the world learned of their mother's actions all those years ago. _Would they resent her like I resented my mother? _

After a few moments of observing Bobby, Alex finally agreed. "All right, I'll give you two days."

Bobby looked back at Alex and smiled gratefully. "Thank you," he said softly. He could tell she was still concerned but she seemed to trust him enough to give him the benefit of the doubt. He hoped he would be worthy of that trust.

Alex started the SUV and the two detectives headed back to the city, each lost in their own thoughts.

* * *

The meeting with McShale turned out the way Bobby hoped it would. McShale agreed to a plea bargain and dropped the 'battered spouse' defense. Justice would be served and Melanie Grasso's life would continue out of the glare of the spotlight the trial of McShale would have placed on her and her family. Carver was more upset than even Bobby expected him to be. After Carver threatened to take his badge if he ever tried something like that again, Bobby was glad he had left Alex in the dark about his plans to talk to McShale. 

He left the counselor's office relieved but emotionally exhausted. For a moment he considered not returning to 1PP but realized he couldn't go home without seeing Alex and letting her know he was all right. Although she hadn't said a word, Bobby knew Alex was worried when the call came from Carver's office.

The two of them had not spoken a word about Melanie Grasso since she agreed to not tell Carver for two days. Once McShale took the plea bargain, he knew Alex wouldn't have a reason to tell Carver about Melanie Grasso. But he knew she still had questions. He could see them in her eyes when she looked at him even though she held her tongue and said nothing.

Bobby stepped off the elevator onto the eleventh floor and headed to his desk. Alex was sitting at her desk filling out paperwork. She looked up at him as he pulled out his chair and sat down.

"So, do I still have a partner?" she asked, looking and sounding genuinely concerned.

Bobby smiled tiredly. "You still have a partner and you will unless I do something like this to Carver again." He was rewarded with a smile of relief from his partner.

"Guess I'm going to have to make sure you don't then." With that comment, Alex returned to her paperwork. Bobby could detect a smile on her face and realized that she was glad to still be working with him.

"Hey, you want to get a cup of coffee that hasn't been sitting out for half a day?" he asked her impulsively.

She looked up in surprise. "Uh, sure...unless you're trying to get out of helping me with the paperwork," she said looking at him warily.

Bobby chuckled and shook his head. "No...well, perhaps postponing it for half an hour."

"All right then. I could use a break from the paperwork and the sludge that passes for coffee around here," Alex said with a smile as she stood up and followed him out.

They walked to the little gourmet coffee shop a couple of blocks from 1PP. It wasn't Starbucks, but the coffee was just as good, and it was a little less crowded.

"My treat," Bobby said as he paid for her cafe mocha and his espresso.

"Thanks, but you know I'm not going to let you risk your job again for a mere cup of coffee."

"That cup of coffee cost five dollars, Eames. It should be worth at least considering it," Bobby joked.

Alex chuckled as she took a seat at one of the tables by the window. "All right, you have a point. But I'm still not willing to risk losing you as a partner, period."

"I never thought you were the 'glutton for punishment' type." Bobby grinned.

"Not at all, it's the fact that your antics tend to make me look good by comparison, Goren." Alex winked at him as she took a sip of her coffee. "Besides, you're always buying me coffee. Poletti used to make_ me_ buy _him_ coffee."

Bobby smiled. "He probably didn't do a lot of things he felt the need to apologize for."

"You don't have to apologize for anything. McShale is going away and Melanie Grasso and her family can continue their lives uninterrupted. Everything worked out." Alex took a sip of her mocha and gazed out of the window.

"And I really am grateful for your help with...with Carver. I know you were uncomfortable with the whole situation," Bobby said softly. He was amazed at the amount of faith she had placed in him to do the right thing. Just a few months ago she was arguing with him about much lesser matters. She never would have agreed to something as serious as withholding information from the district attorney.

Alex turned her gaze back to her partner. "I don't always understand why you do the things you do, Bobby. But I do know you're a good cop and a good person. The only time I really worry, is when you put yourself on the line because of an apparently overwhelming need to do right by everyone. You can't always save them all."

Bobby sighed. "I know that, Eames. But when I see the opportunity to do so, I have to take it. I don't know if I could live with myself if I didn't at least try." He met her gaze and saw a look of understanding.

They sat in companionable silence for the next few minutes as they drank their coffee and watched people walk by on the street. For the first time since he was partnered with Alex, Bobby found himself believing that she wouldn't be leaving anytime soon. Despite their arguments and all her questions about his methods and theories, she always seemed to be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Well, I think we better get back to the office or Deakins is going to put out an APB on us for ditching paperwork," Alex finally said.

Bobby smiled. "I told you I wasn't ditching the paperwork...just postponing it."

"You do have a habit of somehow disappearing when there's paperwork to be done," Alex teased.

"And yet, it always gets done," Bobby pointed out matter-of-factly as they stepped out of the coffee shop to head back to 1PP.

Alex playfully smacked his arm. "That's only because I'm the one who ends up finishing it."

"Why do I get the feeling this conversation is going to end up costing me another five-dollar cup of coffee?"

"Because you're a smart man, Detective Goren."

The two partners returned to their office where Bobby was immediately grabbed by Detective Reyes to consult on a case and wasn't seen by his partner for the rest of the afternoon. Alex finished the paperwork and found a five dollar cup of coffee on her desk the next morning.

**End Chapter 8**

_A/N: Going back to Alex's story in A Charmed Life for Jones and The Third Horseman. Will return to this one for Bright Boy. Thanks for following along. I will post a kind of a guide for the order of things between the two stories now that they're actually going back and forth for those who might be new to this series. _


	9. A Kindred Spirit

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns everything, I own nothing.**

_A/N: This is a post Bright Boy chapter. Loved the way Goren handled things with Robbie in the class room and the way things were resolved. I'd like to think he followed up with Robbie later. Thanks to my betas __untapedtreasure and gorengal for helping me make this more readable.  
_

**A Kindred Spirit **

David Bishop confessed to two murders to spare his young son the ordeal of living through a trial where he would have to testify against his own father. His son, Robbie, would be going to live with relatives in Massachusetts.

Bobby and Alex returned to their desks to work on their reports.

Normally Bobby didn't delve into paperwork right away. He usually found excuses to do other things and Alex either finished the bulk of it herself or did her half, then made him finish his portion. Today, however, Bobby was diligently working without complaint or excuses.

Out of the corner of his eye, Bobby could see Alex glancing at him suspiciously. Looking at her directly, he attempted a smile. "I thought I'm the one who's supposed to analyze people?"

"Okay, so what are you up to, Goren? The only other time you were this enthusiastic about paperwork you thought I was mad at you."

"I just want to get out of here early if I can," Bobby replied. Noting Alex's questioning look, Bobby figured she was concerned about his state of mind. She knew how much cases involving children affected him and sometimes made him melancholy for days.

In the past year, the two partners had learned to work well together. While they still disagreed occasionally, misunderstandings were non-existent. In fact, they were communicating so well they sometimes didn't even need to talk. Just the right look would get the message across. It seemed uncanny to others who didn't understand them, but it was just a matter of getting to know each other very well.

Bobby and Alex spent more time with each other than with their family members or even the occasional significant other who dropped in and out of their personal lives. Fortunately, as different as they were in everything from physical appearance to how they approached cases, they were also more similar than most would have thought. They shared a similar work ethic and a desire to see justice done. They also shared similar boundaries, which they mutually respected. It made for a perfect partnership.

"I'm all right, Eames. I'm planning to...stop in and see Robbie before his family comes to take him to Massachusetts," Bobby explained.

"He's going to be all right, you know. In fact, his life will probably be happier. He can play baseball and be a normal kid," Alex said.

Bobby nodded. "I know, but even with all that, it still hurts to lose your father when you're a kid. Robbie...he doesn't see his father like we do. I know that even after everything his father has put him through...he...he still loves his dad." The sadness in his voice was unmistakable.

After a moment's consideration, Alex reached over and grabbed the paperwork off Bobby's desk.

"Eames," he said, feeling rather confused. "What are you doing?"

Alex stacked Bobby's share of the paperwork on top of her pile. "I'll take care of the reports. You go see Robbie."

"But..." Bobby began.

"Don't argue with me or else I'll changed my mind," Alex warned. "Besides, you can pay me back with a five dollar cup of coffee."

"It's five dollars and fifty cents now, Eames."

"You can throw in a danish for that comment," she said as she turned her attention to the reports in front of her.

"Guess I better stop talking now or I'll end up owing you a steak dinner."

"Good move, Goren. Now get out of here before I come to my senses."

"Thank you," Bobby said softly.

The partners exchanged another glance of understanding as Bobby headed towards the elevators, and Alex turned her attention to the paperwork.

* * *

Bobby knocked on the door of the Bishop apartment. The door was answered by a young woman who identified herself as Carla Brubaker, the social worker who was waiting with Robbie until his aunt and uncle arrived. Robbie was in his room packing when Bobby walked in. 

"Hey Robbie, need any help?" Bobby offered as he stood in the doorway watching the boy solemnly packing his clothes in a large suitcase.

Robbie looked up at Bobby and glanced at the closet. "Could you get that bag down from the shelf in there?"

Bobby smiled. "Sure," he said as he went over to the closet and grabbed the large brown duffle bag from the closet shelf and handed it to Robbie.

Looking closely at him, Bobby could tell Robbie had been crying.

"Thanks," Robbie said simply as he took the duffle from Bobby and set it next to his suitcase. "My dad...was he mad at me?" Robbie asked as he stared at the floor.

Bobby knelt down in front of him and gently placed his hand on Robbie's shoulder. "No, Robbie. He wasn't mad. There wasn't any reason for him to be angry with you about anything."

"I disappointed him. I...let him down." Robbie's eyes were starting to brim with tears as he looked at Bobby.

"No, you didn't. Your dad...he loves you very much but _he_ let _you_ down," Bobby softly. "He wanted what he _thought_ was best for you. He didn't realize that...it was really best for him, not you."

Wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, Robbie glanced over at the half-filled suitcase sitting on his bed. "Do you think I'll have to go right away?"

"I don't know. I suppose it depends on your aunt and uncle," Bobby replied. "They might want to stay here a few days to...get things settled before taking you home."

"Do you think...could I see my dad before we leave?" Robbie asked as he met Bobby's gaze.

"I'm sure it can be arranged."

Robbie attempted another sad smile and moved away from Bobby to start packing again.

Reaching under the bed, Bobby pulled out the baseball mitt Robbie hid there, out of sight from his father. He stood up and held it out to Robbie. "You don't want to forget this," he said.

Robbie's eyes filled with tears as he stared at the baseball mitt. "I can't..." He turned away again and continued filling his suitcase with clothes.

"You can now, Robbie. You're going to live with your aunt and uncle and you'll attend a regular school and you can play..." Bobby began.

"No, I can't. It's wrong," Robbie said softly.

Once again Bobby knelt down and gently turned Robbie to face him. "It's not your fault. I know you feel you let your father down, but you didn't. You did everything you could to be what he wanted. You're a smart boy, Robbie."

"Not smart enough. If I didn't...waste my time on baseball...maybe..." Robbie began.

"It wouldn't have mattered, Robbie. It doesn't matter whether or not you're a genius. You are smart enough. You'll be fine if you don't let what happened stand in your way. Go out and play baseball. Have fun. Enjoy your life, Robbie. It's not being disloyal to your father to be happy." Bobby watched Robbie closely, hoping his words were getting through to him.

Robbie slowly reached out to take the baseball glove from Bobby. "I used to...sometimes I used to wish my dad...would go away and leave me alone and now..."

"It's not your fault, Robbie. We all get upset at people we love sometimes," Bobby said softly.

After staring at the glove for a few seconds, Robbie finally put it in his duffle bag.

"You're going to be all right, Robbie. It might not seem like it now, but it will get better, I know." Bobby's voice wavered slightly as buried emotions and memories started to surface. He swallowed hard and pushed those thoughts back out of his mind.

Meeting Bobby's gaze once more, Robbie sighed. "It just hurts right now."

Bobby smiled sadly. "Yeah, I know that, too."

Bobby stayed long enough to help Robbie finish packing. Before he left, he gave Robbie his card and told him to call him or write him if he needed anything. He also left a card with the social worker to give to Robbie's aunt and uncle in case they needed help while they were in New York.

* * *

He arrived at 1PP in time to catch Alex before she left. 

"So how's Robbie doing?" she asked as he sat at his desk across from her.

"As well as can be expected under the circumstances," Bobby replied. "He's a great kid."

"Yeah, he is." Alex smiled. "And so are you."

Bobby raised an eyebrow. "I'm forty-one, Eames. That's too old to be considered a kid."

Alex chuckled. "You are in your heart, Bobby."

Bobby looked at her desk and saw no signs of any paperwork. "Reports all done?"

"A very brave child at that," Alex replied. "Yes, it's all done. And I want a caramel pecan latte with a strawberry cream cheese danish tomorrow."

"How about a steak dinner tonight instead?" Bobby asked, hoping he wouldn't have to spend the evening alone. Lewis was out of town visiting his Uncle Hal and Aunt Mandy who were enjoying retirement in Florida. The only other person Bobby felt close enough to spend time with when he felt like he did tonight was Alex. Even though he never told her much about his childhood or his family specifically, she knew enough to get the general idea that it wasn't good. She never pushed him for details just as he never pushed her for details on any unhappy chapters of her life.

"Steak dinner? What did you do now, Goren?" Alex asked suspiciously.

"Nothing...yet." Bobby replied innocently.

"Oh great, instead of enjoying my steak, I'm going to worry about what you're going to do next."

"So is that a yes on the dinner?"

"Of course. It's either a steak dinner with you or Lean Cuisine with the evening news."

"That's not exactly great for my ego, Eames."

"Your ego is healthy enough, Bobby," Alex teased as they headed towards the elevators.

**The End Chapter 9**

_A/N: On to Anti-Thesis and Nicole Wallace where there will be a main chapter for Bobby in this series and another one for Alex in A Charmed Life. _


	10. Nemesis 1

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns everything, I own nothing.**

_A/N: My view on Anti-Thesis and the after effects for Bobby. Alex's POV featured in A Charmed Life Chapter 6 to be published soon. Thanks again to my betas untapdtreasure and gorengal who help make this stuff more readable. :-)  
_

**The Nemesis 1**

Nicole Wallace, a.k.a. Elizabeth Hitchens. There was something about her that set off alarm bells in his head. Even as she flirted with him when he and Alex went to question her at her apartment, he could tell something was not right. Behind that charming smile was something dangerous. He could see it in her eyes.

He found her both fascinating and repulsive at the same time. And then, when they got her in the interrogation room she came prepared. As he tried to take her apart piece by piece, she made him pay dearly for it. He spent years carefully burying his pain and resentment and within a matter of minutes, this creature managed to dredge them all up in front of his captain and partner, who stood behind that two-way mirror watching them.

Bobby stared out the window of the SUV as they sped towards Wallace's apartment to arrest her for the second time that day. He could see Alex glance over at him from time to time as she maneuvered the SUV through traffic. She hadn't said anything about what happened in the interrogation room. Not that he would expect her to. They were both good at respecting each other's boundaries and after a year of working together, she knew this was one of those boundaries. _But what is she thinking? What's she going to think when she finds out - if she doesn't already know - what Carmel Ridge is? _

He was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts as the SUV came to a halt. Alex jumped out of the SUV and was halfway to the elevators before Bobby and the rest of the police officers were even out of their vehicles. It seemed that his partner was even more eager to arrest Wallace than he was.

When they burst into her apartment, all they found was Christine Fellowes, looking forlorn as she stared out the window at the city. Nicole Wallace made her escape and Bobby knew they wouldn't find her anytime soon. _She's going to kill again eventually. When something doesn't go right for her, when she's desperate, she will kill again. I underestimated her..._

"What did you think? She'd have scones and a glass of sherry waiting for us?" Alex said as she glanced at Bobby then went to call Deakins.

_No, I definitely didn't expect to find her here or anywhere else for that matter. _Bobby watched the other police officers look through the apartment for any clues to where Nicole might have fled. He knew it was useless. The woman was good. He felt a chill run through him.

"Bobby?" Alex stood there looking at him. She must have been talking to him.

"Sorry..." he said, his voice trailing off as he met her gaze. _She's worried about me. _

"There's nothing more we can do here. The Captain wants us back at the office," she informed him.

Bobby merely nodded and headed out the door with Alex following closely behind him.

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They were driving back to 1PP in silence. Bobby was staring out the window, lost in his thoughts while Alex was focusing on rush hour traffic with an occasional glance at her silent, brooding partner.

_I let her engage me in that psychotic game of hers. She knew as much about me as I knew about her. _Bobby put his head back and closed his eyes. _I should have known better. _

"Stop beating yourself up. It's not your fault Nicole Wallace got away. If you're going to blame anyone, blame Christine Fellowes," Alex said as she maneuvered around the traffic tie up behind a fender bender.

Bobby opened his eyes in surprise. "But she didn't know..."

"And neither did you or anyone else at first. You said it. She's good." Alex sighed in frustration as she made her way past the accident only to end up stuck at a red light.

_She's right. But I still let that psychopath inside my head. _ Bobby closed his eyes once again and tried to think about anything besides Nicole Wallace and all her victims.

The rest of the trip back to 1PP was spent in silence, both detectives lost in their own thoughts.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neither Bobby nor Alex said much to each other that wasn't work related after returning to 1PP. They spent the rest of the day and early evening going over any possible leads to find Nicole Wallace, but not even the Captain expected them to find anything. Bobby went home feeling defeated and slightly depressed.

He canceled his date for the evening with a lovely legal secretary named Jessica. They went out only twice before and Bobby knew after canceling on her for the third time in the last two weeks, he wouldn't be seeing her again.

Checking the time he noticed it was still early enough to call his mother at Carmel Ridge. He missed making a call once already this week and his mother was still reminding him of that. With a sigh, he picked up the phone and called her.

_"Do you call me this late on purpose?" Frances Goren asked. _

"No, Mom. I just got home five minutes ago," Bobby replied, feeling his depression start to deepen.

_"Work again? I thought when you got 'promoted' it meant you didn't have to work as hard? Ever since you got promoted to this Major Case Squad you've been working twice as much as you used to in Narcotics." _

Bobby sighed and plopped down on his sofa. "So how was your day?" he asked, hoping to change the subject.

_"You do this on purpose don't you? You call me late so we only have time for superficial conversation." _

"No, I don't. I'm sorry it's late, Mom. Tell you what, I'll call you early tomorrow, all right?" Bobby offered, hoping it would be enough to placate her for the moment.

_"What's early? Nine forty-five instead of ten o'clock?" _

Bobby rubbed his tired eyes. "No, I'll call you at six o'clock. Even if I'm working, I'll take a dinner break. I promise."

_"Don't make promises you can't keep, Bobby." _

"I won't, Mom." _I'm not my asshole father or brother._ There was silence at the other end of the line. "Mom?"

_"All right, Bobby. You call me at six sharp. I'll be waiting." Frances hung up the phone abruptly. _

As soon as the phone call ended, Bobby found himself regretting his promise to his mother. _Maybe that was a mistake? How do I know I'll be able to get away at six o'clock? Just because this Nicole Wallace debacle is over with for now doesn't mean something else won't get dropped on our desks tomorrow. _

With that depressing thought in his head, Bobby decided to skip dinner and head straight to bed. The sooner this day was over, the better as far as he was concerned.

Sometime in the early morning hours, he discovered sleep was a bad idea. He had two dreams that tormented him. The first one was of Nicole Wallace pulling out every emotionally painful and embarrassing fact from his life in front of Alex and Captain Deakins. The second one was much worse: Nicole standing among the bodies of her future victims, holding a blood-stained knife and laughing at him.

When his alarm went off at 5:30, he felt even more tired than he did the night before.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bobby arrived at 1PP shortly after 7:00 the next morning and was surprised to find his partner already at her desk. He usually beat her into the office by half an hour.

"Good morning," Alex said without looking up at him. She was gathering up the last of the paperwork she finished working on and put them in a file.

"Why are you here so early?" Bobby asked as he sat at his desk.

Alex looked up at and smiled. "Just finishing up paperwork."

"On Wallace?" Bobby asked.

Alex nodded. "Yeah, I thought it would be nice to get it off our desks."

_She's trying to protect me. _Bobby managed a small smile despite his dark mood. "This isn't going to cost me a five-dollar cup of coffee is it?"

"It's five dollars and fifty cents now." She winked at Bobby. "But no, it won't cost you anything this time. I want to be done with this as much as you do."

A look of understanding passed between them as Alex headed to Deakins' office with the file.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Overall the day turned out to be quite busy. They helped out Detectives Barclay and Masuda with some research, met with Carver in regards to one of their cases that was scheduled to go to trial next week, and late in the afternoon they were sent out to investigate the murder of a retired judge.

When six o'clock rolled around, Bobby and Alex were on their way back to 1PP with their preliminary findings for Deakins.

Bobby was going over his notes when his phone alarm went off. _Damn it! I knew I shouldn't have promised to call her so early!_

"Another date to cancel?" Alex asked sympathetically.

"Uh...no, I...I promised my mother I'd call early tonight," he said as he stared at his phone. _Alex already knows your mother is at Carmel Ridge and that you call her every night. And I promised... _With a sigh, he hit the speed dial and closed his eyes, hoping his mother would be in a good mood because he called her at the promised time. The last thing he needed was his mother giving him a bad time when Alex was within earshot of his half of the conversation.

_"Bobby?" _

"Hi, Mom," he said, rubbing his eyes.

_"Will wonders never cease! It's six o'clock and here you are. They let you go home at a decent hour?"_

"No...I'm...still at work." Bobby opened his eyes and glanced over at Alex, who was keeping her eyes on the road and apparently doing her best to not look at him.

_"Major Case! I'd say it's a major pain," Frances complained. _

Bobby chuckled. "There are days where I agree with you."

_"So you're giving up eating dinner to talk to me?" _

"Uh...not exactly. We're on our way back to the office." Bobby once again looked over to see Alex concentrating on the car in front of them as if it was the most interesting thing she'd seen all day.

_"We? You're talking to me in front of someone. So you're not ashamed of me anymore?" _

"Mom, you know I'm not..." Bobby began in protest.

_"Yes, you are. Don't lie to me, Bobby. I'm your crazy mother who needs to be locked up!" _

"No, Mom..."

_"I'm crazy, Bobby. I'm not stupid," Frances said bitterly. _

"If I was ashamed of you I wouldn't be talking to you now, would I?" Bobby argued patiently.

_"So your partner knows about me?"_

Once again Bobby looked over at Alex who continued to look straight ahead or in the rear view mirror. "Yes, actually." _Great, now I'm making her uncomfortable. _"I'm not a ten year old any more, Mom."

_"Does he also know I'm crazy?" _

"You suffer from schizophrenia, Mom, you're..."

_"Let me talk to him."_

"What?" Bobby asked as he caught Alex glancing over at him. She blushed and immediately turned her attention back to the car in front of them.

_"What's the matter? Afraid I'm going to embarrass you?" _

"Mom, we don't have much time to talk so I'd really like to..."

_"Fine. I'm just trying to prove my point." _

Bobby closed his eyes and put his head back against the headrest once again. The rest of the conversation dealt with Frances' complaints about her doctor, her requests for books Bobby could bring her the next time he visited and questions about Frank for which Bobby had no answers. She still asked for Frank despite not having heard from him in years.

By the time the phone call ended fifteen minutes later, Alex pulled the SUV into a parking spot at 1PP.

Bobby felt exhausted as he pulled himself out of the SUV. As he fell into step with his partner, he wondered what she was thinking. She hadn't said a word about his side of the conversation with his mother. He didn't expect her to but he found himself wondering what her thoughts were. _I've already got a reputation for being crazy, which she apparently ignored. Will these revelations from Nicole give her reason to rethink that? Did I really need to remind her about my mother with that phone call? She was obviously uncomfortable having to hear just my half of the conversation. _

They were waiting for the elevator as he caught her eye and smiled nervously. "Sorry about that," he said simply.

"About what?" she asked, looking genuinely confused. "You're not planning on cashing in on that supposed preemptive apology steak dinner by doing something that's gonna get us in trouble are you?" She folded her arms in front of her and looked at him suspiciously.

Bobby laughed despite his anxiety. Even when he was stressed out and rather depressed, Alex could always get him to smile or laugh.

"You want to let me in on the joke, Bobby?" she asked, still looking at him suspiciously.

He smiled and shook his head. "Sorry, I was...the phone call...it..."

"Why would you feel it necessary to apologize for making a phone call to your mother? I call my family members all the time in your presence. Does it bother you?"

"No...but I..."

"Bobby, it's okay." Alex said as the elevator arrived.

Bobby followed her into the elevator. "It's been...a rough few days." He stared straight ahead, avoiding her gaze. "Guess I'm just...a little sensitive about...certain things."

He felt a gentle touch on his arm and looked down at Alex.

"You don't have to be. I learned in the last few days that you are a remarkable person and a good son," she said, giving him a reassuring smile.

As the elevator stopped to let on a couple other passengers, Bobby and Alex stepped to one side as they looked at each other with mutual understanding.

Their day didn't end until close to midnight and they had a meeting with Deakins and Carver at 7:30 the next day and people to question all morning.

By the time he got home, Bobby was exhausted. When his head finally hit the pillow, he slept soundly without any nightmares to plague him. His last thought before he fell asleep was 'thank God for Alex Eames.'

**The End Chapter 10**

_A/N: Next up, Suite Sorrow. Again, it will be a Bobby POV in this series and an Alex POV in A Charmed Life. _


	11. Hindsight

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns everything, I own nothing.**

_A/N: Post Suite Sorrow. Ever wondered what Bobby did with that picture he took at that restaurant? ;-) Thanks to gorengal for the beta.  
_

**Hindsight  
**

Julie Turner was doing a great job convincing her father she was pregnant by her fiance, Kenneth. When she mentioned marrying Kenneth, Ben Turner reacted just as Bobby expected he would. ADA Ron Carver and Alex were also watching the monitor as Julie manipulated her father in the next room, just like he manipulated her.

As soon as Turner told Julie about the compromising photo of Kenneth with another man they knew they had him.

"Got him," Alex said.

Suddenly, Julie started to lead her father off camera.

Carver frowned. "Where is she going?"

Bobby's mind started racing. _What is she doing? _

"Where did she go?" Carver asked looking at Bobby in confusion.

_Oh God! Now she knows her father set her up for sure. She..._ "No!" Bobby stood up. "We've got to get in there." He started running from the room. "We've got to get in there!" he said more forcefully as thoughts of what Julie was doing filled his mind. _She wants to kill him!_

Alex and Carver followed closely behind along with the uniformed officers in the room. They burst into the suite next door and found Turner lying on the floor with a knife sticking out of his chest.

Julie was screaming at him. "You miserable bastard! How could you do this to me? Our whole life was a lie! I was just a child!"

Bobby and Alex pulled her back. Alex cuffed Julie's hands behind her back while Bobby knelt to check Turner's pulse. There was none. Bobby stood up and grunted in frustration. The uniformed officers took Julie away.

"Hey, if anyone deserved it..." Alex said to Bobby as he agonized over the sad outcome of their ploy to get Ben Turner to prove he plotted to have his own daughter murder his wife.

Bobby didn't hear her. "She wasn't ready," he said to himself more than to anyone else.

Carver looked at Bobby with concern. "Detective..." he began.

"Oh no, no...I know that anger. I should have seen it coming." He rubbed his forehead, looking distraught.

Carver and Alex watched him with concern. After a moment Alex led Carver out of the room while Bobby stood, shaking with grief and guilt. _I made it worse for her. She was angry enough when she suspected her father did this to her. I should have seen it. I was so anxious to get Turner I didn't think of the consequences for Julie. I should have known!_ Glancing down at Ben Turner's lifeless body, Bobby felt as if he might be sick.

Suddenly, Bobby felt a gentle touch on his elbow. Alex had quietly returned to his side. She said nothing but he could see the concern in her eyes when he looked down at her. Wordlessly, he followed her out of the room.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As they drove back to 1PP, Bobby once again stared out of the window, lost in his thoughts. _I should have seen it coming. I ignored the fact that Julie wasn't ready. I wanted to get Ben Turner so badly. He was a self-centered bastard. He didn't love his wife or his child. He just loved himself. _

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Alex glancing at him every few minutes. _She must think I'm crazy. _

Taking a deep breath, he looked at his partner. "Thank you," he said simply.

Alex blinked in confusion. "For what? You have to stop apologizing and thanking me for things when you have no reason to, Bobby."

"For getting Carver out of the room. For not telling me I shouldn't feel guilty." Bobby turned his head away from her and stared out the window again.

"I got Carver out of the room because I didn't want him giving you the speech I planned to give you in the next few days," Alex replied. "Which includes why you shouldn't feel guilty. So don't thank me yet."

"You don't understand, Eames. I was so wrapped up in the idea of getting Ben Turner I didn't stop to think...to realize that Julie wasn't ready to do what I wanted her to do. I should have known she was still angry enough to..."

"How? How could you know that? No one can predict..." Alex began.

"I could have predicted it if I didn't hate Turner so much I allowed myself to believe Julie when she said she was ready to do this!" Bobby said in frustration.

"You _hated_ Ben Turner?" Alex asked. "I know I didn't have any love for the man either but...I mean...that sounds..."

"The man was a self-centered bastard with no redeeming qualities. He didn't love his wife, he loved her money. He didn't even have it in him to love his own child! He painted himself as the good parent. The one who sided with his daughter. The one who loved her. He wasn't! Julie's mother, for all her faults and draconian ways, love her! How much of a monster was he that he...he..." Bobby was starting to yell. He took a deep breath and shook his head. "Sorry," he said simply.

"We're not talking about Ben Turner anymore are we?" Alex asked softly.

Bobby closed his eyes to fight back the tears of anger that threatened to pour out of him. "Julie didn't...she was..." It was all he could do to keep his voice from shaking. _I don't want Alex to see me like this...I have to stop talking...why did I even start?_

"Julie may have been manipulated into doing what she did, but _she_ ultimately killed both her parents. You can't even think..."

"Ben Turner was responsible for Nan Turner's death and I was responsible for his," Bobby said miserably.

Suddenly, Alex turned the SUV into an alley and stopped.

Bobby looked at her in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"Listen to me," she said as she turned to face him. "Yes, you probably let your emotions cloud your judgment regarding Julie. But she told you she was ready. You may be a human lie detector but even the mechanical ones get it wrong sometimes."

Bobby was about to protest but Alex gave him a look that warned him she was not finished and he better not interrupt her. He closed his mouth and looked sullenly at her.

"You understand her and you seem to identify with her but _you aren't her_. You have a moral compass you have held onto throughout your life no matter what's happened to you. Sure, Julie is a victim in many ways, but she made her own decisions in the end. If she didn't have it in her to kill anyone in the first place, her father wouldn't have been able to manipulate her into doing it. The only thing you might be guilty of is thinking she is like you. She isn't."

Bobby sat staring at his partner. _She really believes that. _"Eames, I appreciate...what you're trying to do but..."

"I know. Just remember what I said. Maybe in a few days it will sink in that thick skull of yours," Alex said as she began the process of backing the SUV back into traffic.

Closing his eyes, Bobby put his head back and tried to consider what Alex said, but all he could see was the dead body of Ben Turner and Julie screaming at him.

The two partners spent the rest of the drive back to 1PP in silence.

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When Bobby finally made it home at eleven o'clock, he was exhausted. While the talk with Alex in the SUV earlier that day gave him something to think about, he still felt depressed and guilty over the way things turned out.

He checked his messages and wasn't surprised to find his mother called. She was very upset over the "very short" phone call he made from work earlier in the evening.

He also received a nasty message from Marla, a history professor at Columbia. He missed another dinner date with her. The fourth in two weeks. That was not Marla's chief complaint this time. Apparently before leaving his apartment that morning, she found the picture he took of himself and Alex while they were questioning the two hostesses at a restaurant while investigating the Turner case. She saw Alex's name and the date the picture was taken written on the back of that photo and had come to the wrong conclusion. Marla's last words were, "So that's what Alex looks like? Now I know why you enjoy working so much! Well, I hope she makes you happy because that's all you've got. I'm done!"

Upon hearing this, Bobby ran into his bedroom in a panic and pulled open his nightstand drawer to find the picture still intact. He let out a sigh of relief, imagining Marla ripping up the picture out of jealousy. She did have a bit of a temper. She also seemed to have quite an imagination in regards to his relationship with Alex. _Oh yeah? Then why were you more upset over the thought of Marla ripping up that photo than you were of her breaking up with you?_ Bobby shook his head and drove those thoughts from his mind. His relationship with Alex was great and he wasn't going to mess it up by going there.

He returned to the kitchen and retrieved the last message. It was from Alex. _"Hey, Bobby. The captain just called and told me the eight o'clock meeting with Carver has been postponed to eleven o'clock, so we don't have to be in until ten tomorrow morning. Thought you'd like to know you can sleep in. See you then." _

Bobby smiled as he listened to her message and looked at the picture he had taken on impulse.

The next morning, on his way to work, he bought a frame for the photo. That evening he placed it on his bookshelf between a picture of Lewis and him standing next to the 1968 Chevy Camaro they restored a few years ago, and a picture of his mother.

**The End Chapter 11**

_A/N: Onto See Me next for Bobby. No Alex chapters on these. She will have one with A Person of Interest and a couple regarding her decision to be a surrogate for her sister so don't fear. There will be several chapters in A Charmed Life dealing with Alex's pregnancy. And of course I'm also working on something for Amends. Probably a one-shot separate from this series since I can't wait to get to it. LOL  
_


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